Not Me For President

I've decided to remove all speculation about my intentions to seek the presidency in 2012.

I'm not running.

My decision is unequivocal and final. I didn't even have to discuss it with my family.

My answer is no. Don't ask and don't write me in. I won't accept a draft (I prefer wine if you must know. White, slightly chilled and fruity but not too young.)

I'm not interested.

At least for now. Today. Right now.

The truth is I probably won't be interested tomorrow either.

Or the next day or the next. I don't think, actually, that it will ever be in my plans. I don't see it on my personal horizon.

The reason is simple. The job sucks. Sure you get to fly around in your own helicopter and get room service whenever and wherever you want. And you get to meet very cool people simply by inviting them over to the "House", an invitation they will probably not turn down.

But that's where the fun stops.

I can't imagine a worse gig in the WORLD than having to deal with the Republicans (and some Democrats, to be fair) in Congress every single day.

To think that I would propose a perfectly good idea for the country with the ability to command the military and access to the "button" but have to engage in idiotic debates with the morons in The House and The Senate.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" (as my friend Cal would say.)

The problem, as I see it, is that we have no real leaders anymore. The days of Franklin and Adams and Paine and Henry are long gone. Now we have Boehner and McConnell and Lieberman and Obama.

Excellence and oratory (I know, I know...Obama is a great "orator". Spare me...!) and good spelling have given way to mediocrity and texting and "Jersey Shore." Oh Lord, do I long for the days of Jerry Springer. At least HE was somewhat intelligent. He has to be to have parlayed (from the French for "to talk") a program about brain-dead dysfunction into a multi-million dollar empire.

Maybe if I opened a store and sold bags of dog crap people would come from all over and buy it by the pound (no pun intended...) and I, too, would become filthy (again, no pun intended...) rich.

But I'm not that smart. I'm just an average Joe trying to "make it to the bell."

Which brings me full circle and, thus, gives me pause (finally...no pun intended...but a good one nonetheless..."Pause - Paws"...get it?)

Maybe, because I am an average Joe I should run for president. I would be just like all the rest of those a-holes who are fighting so hard for the right to be hated by half of the country and most of the world and don't have the intellect to come in out of the rain.

Uhhhhhh....nah.

I don't think so. As Jimmy Stewart famously told Mr. Potter after Potter offered him a job, "I don't have to think about it."

I don't. My decision still stands.

I'm not running for president.

Absolutely, positively, totally, maybe NOT!

ps...

Send your tax-deductible contributions to the above address and be sure to include your phone number and email address so I can send you unwanted Spam and robo-call you into the nut house.

Thank you for your support. See ya at the polls...!

I Love Denis Leary, Part II

Merry F...ing Christmas!

That sums it up.

Traffic. Too many people. Shopping. Did I mention traffic?

It starts on Labor Day. Christmas songs at the gas pump. Holiday lights still up from last year. Anxiety about what to buy and not having enough money with which to buy it.

All of that said, today is the beginning (and almost the end...) of Christmas as far as I am concerned. Christmas Eve.

When I was little, Santa Claus brought everything on Christmas Eve after I'd gone to bed. The tree, the lights, the presents. He ate the cookies and drank the milk. Christmas morning was unbelievable.

The glow of the lights around the corner before seeing the tree, all decorated and surrounded by gifts of all sizes and shapes.

Christmas. "It's Christmas! MERRY CHRISTMAS...!"

Now it's reduced to "SALE...50% off at the register." And you can't even say the words without some jackass calling you politically incorrect for doing so. Screw you and the sleigh you rode in on, you reindeer's ass!

I'm not the only one who feels this way. Almost everybody does. It just ain't the same as it was when we were kids. And while I'm at it...where the hell is the snow!? At least in Southern New England...we ain't got no snow. What is up with that! I may be dreaming of a white Christmas but so far all we've got is brown...! When I was a child we went sledding or skating on Christmas.
Now we mow the lawn!

And on top of it all comes the unfortunate claim that The Salvation Army is anti-gay. Now the pennies in the pot go to a "charity" that, allegedly, promotes hatred, bias and discrimination, however indirectly.

Allegedly.

Just what we needed. The idea that a group that does good in the community, especially at this time of year, is accused of being narrowminded and exclusionary.

Never mind that you can get designer jeans with the tags still on them for 1% of what you would pay for them at retail. The store is a part of the organization and now they are tainted. Besmirched. (Great word, besmirched. Say it again. Besmirched. Very satisfying.)

Too bad.

But it's par for the course. Most of what we think turns out to be lies anyway.

Send our kids to war for good reasons?

Nope...mostly lies.

Elect the best of the best?

Nope...mostly cowards and crooks.

Trust our leaders?

Nope...mostly pedophiles.

Allegedly. (and slightly exaggerated for effect...)

So, in the wonderful words of the genius, Denis Leary:

"Merry F..ing Christmas."

And to all a Good Luck!

We sure as hell need some.

You Can't Judge a Book...

I passed a minivan today with a "Palin Power" bumper sticker on it's back window. That would, technically, make it a back window sticker but that's not important right now.

It was the sign itself that got my attention not its' placement. I immediately drew a conclusion about the driver and just as quickly developed a pretty good case of attitude. Not quite Road Rage. Let's call it Road Irritation.

I assumed that the driver was an idiot and sped up to see exactly what I was dealing with. With no other information at my disposal I already hated the driver and I hadn't even seen him yet.

Well, she looked normal enough, blond, middle-aged and focused on her driving. Reasonable characteristics? Reasonable woman?

NO!

Anyone who would willingly display their advocacy and support for Sarah Palin is either developmentally challenged, oblivious and/or dangerous...or possibly an almalgam of all three.

Or the hapless driver borrowed the car from someone with the abovementioned characteristics and our heroine was just inattentive to details.

Sarah Palin gave us the supreme gift of temporarily receding from public view and declining to throw her hat into the ring of this cycle's presidential politics.

I say temporarily because, in this country, you never know. Richard Nixon lost and then he came back to win. It took Ronald Reagan several tries to reach the top. And we must never forget the Red Sox who took a VERY LONG TIME to finally win the World Series.

It's the American Way. Fail because you suck and then wait a bit and keep trying and, eventually, the public will forget that you are a JACKASS and will elect you.
Obviously the Sox don't fit into this description but they made for a great example.
Sue me...

Palin could yet return to the stage to fill the hole created by the fact that the Republicans have been unable to coalesce around any one candidate. First it's Romney, then it's Bachmann, the next thing it's Perry, then it's Gingrich, then Paul (Ron, not McCartney) and then it's Romney...again.

The Republicans are just not that thrilled. Like her or not, Sarah Palin has a knack of getting people all worked up about her. Some folks love her and others...DON'T!!!!!!!!

So this clown in the minivan represents that part of the electorate who, if Sarah Palin were to announce a belated candidacy, would rush to support her.

Maybe she would run with Jeb Bush.

Palin/Bush 2012.

Now that's truly a nightmare scenario.

Merry Christmas...

The Lesser of Too Evils...

Mitt Romney?

You have got to be kidding.

Please, God, tell me that he's not going to be the nominee. Please!

Mitt Romney, absolutely and unequivocally, represents all that is wrong with modern society.

I have no problem with someone changing his mind. I do it all of the time. Chocolate? No, Pistachio. Pacino? No, De Niro. Italy? No, France. I am forever changing what I think. It all depends on the situation and whatever new information I have that may influence my position. It's called "using my intellect." I try to while others don't.

By no means am I the next intellectual "Coming"...by no stretch of the imagination. But I exercise my mind enough to know that I don't even come close to knowing everything and, if I maintain a stance for, or against, something solely based on old data then I consign myself to the trash heap of failed analysis.

I have two words for you, Dear Reader: Christopher Columbus. Now, while he did not, in fact, discover the New World, he helped reframe the conversation about the shape of the planet and people began to realize that it was round and not flat.

New information helping to define a new way of thinking.

But Mitt Romney doesn't change his mind based on new and better information. He changes it for reasons of political expediency.

One minute he's pro-choice (when he's running for governor in Left-leaning Massachusetts) and the next minute he's pro-life (when he's trying to garner the support of the evangelical base while running for president.)

One minute he's for healthcare mandates (when he's running for governor in Left-leaning Massachusetts)and the next minute he's lambasting Obama for proposing the exact same thing (when he's trying to garner the support of "Death Panel" adherents while running for president.) By the way, lest we forget, Obama's mandate concept was developed, in large part, by examining the new information found in Romney's Massachusetts model. So there!

One minute he's talking about the "American People" and the burdened (and disappearing...) Middle Class (when he's trying to garner the support of the "American People" while running for president) and the next minute he's proposing a $10,000 bet to Governor Rick "Raise My Salary While Millions Go Down In Financial Flames" Perry to put to rest, forever, the issue of his (Romney's) healthcare mandate in Massachusetts, showing a total and complete insensitivity to the "American People", many of whom don't even make $10,000 a year (when he's trying to garner the support of the "American People" while running for president.)

So...Mitt Romney is full of baloney. He's not an intellectual powerhouse who sifts through information in order to find the best possible answer to any given question.

He's a politician (NO....REALLY...who knew...?!)

And so are the others running for the Republican nomination. Gingrich, with his overwhelming ego. Perry with is preaching. Bachmann with her non-facts. Huntsman with his...uh. Huntsman? Who? Remind me of who Huntsman is, exactly? Santorum with his inflexibility. Paul with his wierd ideas. And his two first names. President Paul? President Ron? Help me here...

They are all so unacceptable they are frightening. But so were the Bushes, pere and fils.

And we elected them. And don't bore me with the sloganeering about how neither Bush was "our president." Our laziness and inaction elected them as much as if we had voted for them outright.

President Romney. Another blow-dried, French speaking, White, European, clueless multi-millionaire trying to convince us that he "understands" us and knows how to "fix" our problems. Just like he did as chairman of Bain when he bought, and cannibalized, healthy companies and laid off thousands.

And don't EVER forget what he said, in response to a reporter's question, about what his sons were doing to serve their country during the height of the Iraq War:

"One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping to get me elected.”

Tell that to the widows, orphans, parents and friends of the dead soldiers who came home in pine boxes through Dover.

Your arrogance and cowardice are too much sir.

You don't deserve to be president.

Poppy Was Right

Retrospectively, George Herbert Walker Bush was right, at least on two counts.

First, he correctly identified Ronald Reagan's economic policy as "Voodoo Economics."

Enough said about that.

Second, he was right about the "Thousand Points of Light" but in an unintended way.

Republicans contend that The United States would function better, if not perfectly, if there were less government intrusion.

Less tax, less regulation, less Federal involvment. "Less is more."

And they seem to be right. Because of the policies of the Reagan and both Bush administrations, we have a ground swell of grass roots organizations creating noise and having effect. Populist fervor is taking hold.

From "Occupy Wall Street" and "Bank Transfer Day" to the protests last year in Wisconsin, the people are rising up and making their feelings known.

Now the disconnect between the action in the street and the Republican philosophy is this: the reason that the people are taking to the streets is because the policies of the GOP have created the opposite of what we were sold as a part of the "Trickle Down Theory."

The only thing that has trickled down is what usually flows down hill...and you know what that is, dear reader.

The wealthy have just gotten more so and the poor have increased their ranks by welcoming the former middle class. There are more Brooks Brothers suits on the soup lines today then faded jeans. SUVs can carry a lot of scrap metal and blood, blue as well as red, is selling like sausage.

So the irony of the tale is that the NeoCon thinking of the recent past has yielded the very thing it adverstised, only in reverse. Rather than more prosperity across the board, it has created real class warfare. Less government has brought us civic action and may yet bring us much needed "change." Real change, mind you, not the slogans and empty rhetoric of the Obama campaign. And that change may not be pretty.

So the "light" is coming from a "thousand points."

But the dowagers had better guard their jewels. The natives are restless and the cauldron's getting hotter by the minute...

Argh...The Sixties?

In the sixties there was peace, love and understanding.

Bull.

We had spoiled rich kids spending their parent's money getting stoned, laid, listening to very loud music and avoiding responsibility.

Some kids went to, and either died in Viet Nam or came back messed up for life.

There were protests in the street and some people got their heads cracked open or killed.

Sure, some good things came out of the sixties. Social awareness was raised in some quarters and some legislation was enacted that made some people's lives easier.

But we also got Richard Nixon and "Law and Order"...and I don't mean the TV show. I mean we got more cops and a governmental attitude that protestors...protesting about anything...were the enemy and should be treated as such.

So what's happening now with the "Occupy" movement seems eerily familiar. We have people who claim to be disenfranchised marching on Big Business because they see the excesses that exist on Wall Street. Gabillionaires are yachting and cruising in million dollar cars while the other 99% are homeless and hungry.

But the tide seems to be turning. Just like in the sixties.

In the sixties the energy coalesced around Viet Nam. That was more about the direct risk that young people faced from the draft than it was about some high falutin' sense of morality.

And then the Hippie crowd was infiltrated by the bums. People looking for a free ride. Folks who didn't give a damn about movements of any kind but only wanted to participate in the free sex, drugs and rock and roll extravanganza that was going on.

"Spare Change?" "Can I crash at your place?" "Got any dope?"

Those were as much the catch phrases of the sixties as "Hell No, We Won't Go" and "Give Peace a Chance."

So now the pure, elegant, populist message of the "Occupy" Movement is being corrupted by the usual hangers-on. Agitators who love a good ruckus. Anarchists who only want to disrupt. Losers who need something...anything...to be a part of because their lives are so shallow and meaningless.

"Occupy Wall Street" is a wonderful thing. It is a ground swell of energy focusing our collective attention on the grwoing inequality in our society. The lack of fairness that is evident in our daily lives, in and out of government, has created a level of frustration that is boiling over.

But here comes the violence. Oakland and Seattle represent this generation's Berkeley and Chicago.

And those of us old enough to remember can tell you that the violence of the sixties, Chicago in particular, gave us Richard Nixon in 1968 and then his landslide in 1972.

No one was paying attention, anymore, to the social issues that the protestors had raised. The citizenry was concerned with domestic safety and a return to the order of the tidy, picturesque fifties.

What the "Occupy" movement may give us is the same result.

The government is already geared up for violence as a result of 9-11.

There is already a highly trained, and well equipped, infrasturucture ready to take on any and all comers, whether they look like Osama bin Laden or Richie Cunningham.

History does repeat itself and those with a lack of a sense of it are doomed to be the ones doing the repeating.

Those of us who came of age during the sixties owe it to our childern (and grandchildren) to educate them to the dangers that lie ahead of them.

We should tell them to take their cues from Gandhi and King and not from Rubin and Cleaver (and I don't mean "The Beaver"...)

Violence will change the focus and distract from the message.

All it will get us is another Richard Nixon.

No Way In Hell!

I am NOT stodgy. I may be old but I am not stodgy.

Yeah...right! Tell that to my daughter...

Over the years she has tried to get me to listen to "her" music. I have tried and, in most cases, I have, in a word, hated it.

I must admit that I was surprised by the Jonas Brothers, the occasional Miley Cyrus hit and one song called "Forget You" (I think) by some R & B guy.

Other than that the hip-hop/rap stuff she enjoys has left me cold. I am a musician and really love all music, from opera to country, but rap seems so redundantly boring...musically.

I was impressed by The Last Poets and by the late Gil Scott-Heron but modern music is much too processed and posturing for my taste. It's more about attitude than it is about music. The songs seem to be almost completely devoid of originality and, in some cases, the shameful, almost plagaristic, sampling reduces the songs to mere copies and not very good ones at that.

But then something happened to me recently.

I worked at a Chris Brown concert.

I WAS BLOWN AWAY!!!!!

It was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I saw Sly and The Family Stone. Twice. I saw Billy Joel. I saw Poco. I saw Aerosmith. And all of those shows were in the sixties and seventies when those bands were new and fresh. They were wonderful events.

But this Chris Brown guy. OMG! LMAO! POS! HOLY COW!!

He can dance (oh boy can he dance!) and sing and is a great entertainer. His dancers were wonderful, the band was unbelievable and the sets, lights, videos and special effects were terrific!

I even liked most of his material. Still not my favorite but pretty damned good nonetheless.

I am a convert. I am a believer. I AM A FAN!

(Note: Whatever has been going on in his personal life doesn't detract from his talent. I'm not even sure of the details...violence of some sort. If true, I don't approve...but his private life has nothing to do with his abilities which are almost overwhelming!)

So, if you see a gray-haired guy, about 5'9" tall and a bit overweight, walking down the street with his hat on sideways and his pants falling down don't cross over to the other side.

It'll be me. It will be up to you to decide whether I'm being hip and "rappish" in all of my "gangsta" regalia...or just being old...and stodgy...!

Knock, Knock...

What are you if you are against Obama's health care plan, in part, because it mandates having insurance...but...you advocate state mandated vaccination against HPV for young girls?

What are you if you are pro-life but govern a state with the highest incident of execution in the country?

What are you if you claim to follow Jesus ("Love Thy Neighbor", etc...)but you don't support gay marriage?

You are a hypocrite.

Oh...and you are Rick Perry.

Sounds like...

Have you heard Rick Perry speak? I mean, have you heard his voice? I mean, have you heard the sound of his voice in your ears?

He sounds uncannily like George W. Bush.

Now we all know that W is a New England born preppy who adopted Texspeak because it made him seem more manly. He sounded more like a manly man rather than a Blue Blood patrician snob.

Got it. We all have our affectations. I, for example, am partial to Brooklynese. I was, in fact, born in Queens which, I know, is not Brooklyn but it's close and a bona fide part of New York City...although some very old timers would argue, and not without merit, that Brooklyn is not a part of New York City but a proud city of it's own.

But let's not "go there" and rehash whether or not the Dodgers should have moved to L.A. What's done is done. Get over it and move on.

I am partial to Brooklynese because, when I affect a Brooklyn accent, it makes me sound like a gangster. I sound like a "made man." I am Tony Soprano. Well, actually, I'm Carmine Lupertazzi who is from Brooklyn. Tony is from New Jersey which has it's own accent and is also not a part of New York City although it would like to be...Snooki notwithstanding.

"Yo! I'm ovuh heeyuh now. Fuhgeddabowdit!"

Yeah...that's it. Just call me Joey...or Vin or Sally or Tone. I'm baaaaad now!

But back to Little Ricky. He sounds so much like Bush that it's frightening. Close your eyes and you would swear that you're listening to George.

GOD!!!!

I can't think of anything more unappealing and downright scary than electing a man that sounds like W.

Four to eight more years of that twangy, drawling drivel.

Y'all can do better 'n that!

Republicans should vote Romney. He actually sounds like what W would sound like if he hadn't taken on the Texas thing.

But then again Texas did give us Western Swing. And that's great music. For all of it's bombast, you can't fault Texas completely.

Bob Wills and The Texas Playboys.

Now dat's a beeeyouteeful ting!

Help!! I'm a Republican...

Contrary to popular misconception, I am a thinking man.

I examine and analyze. I ponder...

And it is because of that, that I am quandrified. I am in a quandary.

For many, many years now I have thought of myself as a self-respecting Liberal. Maybe not a pure Democrat but something akin to that.

I have only voted Republican once and that was in 1972. It was the first time I was entitled to vote. I had just turned 21, which was the voting age at the time. My father was a Republican, through and through, and because I revered him and trusted in his judgment, I took his advice and voted for...breathe in and close your eyes and please forgive me in advance...I voted for...Richard Nixon.

I didn't know any better. Even though it was the sixties...well actually the seventies but really the sixties mentally...I was an empty headed American boy with absolutely no political awareness whatsoever. I really believed that voting for George McGovern, in the middle of the Viet Nam War, would be a bad thing.

So I voted for Nixon.

So shoot me. That's what I did.

But ever since then I have become a bit more concious. I have always voted Democratic. Not so much because I loved the assorted candidates but because I couldn't bear to help elect the arrogant, know-it-all, righteous, pompous Republicans.

Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, George W. Bush, John McCain.
I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand the idea of being a part of the effort to put these men in The White House.

So I dutifully voted for the Democrats, including Michael Dukakis.

And, yes, I voted for Barack Obama. As previously mentioned in this space I was in Denver working for ABC News and covered his convention. I was 100 feet from him when he accepted the nomination in Invesco Field. I saw the tears. I felt the energy.

But this time I'm politically confused. I'm all messed up.

For example:

I don't think we should be mandated by the government to have health insurance or otherwise be penalized. I can't find, in The Constitution, where it says that health care is a "right." It should be up to me whether or not I have health insurance. If I want it then I should buy it. If not, then tough nagolians for me. But I shouldn't be penalized if I choose not to have it.

That's a pretty Republican point of view.

I also think it is unfair to tax millionaires a greater percentage of their income just because they are millionaires. On balance they are rich because they had a good idea or they got an education or they worked hard or they saw an advantage and took it. That's all a part of the American Dream. It's what we are all told from birth. In the Capitalist, Free Enterprise system, if you work hard and are smart then you can succeed. In our culture we measure success by how much money we have.
We shouldn't be penalized because we "made it." Pay taxes? Yes. Close loopholes? Yes. Stop corruption? Oh, Yeah! Be fair? Yes, yes, yes!

That's also a pretty Republican attitude.

And I think we should cut wasteful spending in Washington. We should operate, as a country, within our means. We should balance the books and buy only what we can pay for. That's another thing we are taught as children. "Don't bite off more than you can chew."

More Republican thinking on my part.

But, on the other hand I think Gays should be afforded the same rights as any other citizen. I believe in a "woman's right to choose." I think "illegal aliens" should be given a legal path to citizenship so they can continue to clean our toilets, pick our fruit and raise our kids.

That's all very Democratic.

So, my dear friends, as I said before, I'm all screwed up politically.

What to do. I can't stand the Republican candidates but I'm not so enamored of Obama either.

Maybe, this time, I will vote for Ralph Nader. Even if he isn't running.

Or maybe I'll just stay at home and wait for the Apocalypse.

My vote doesn't really mean anything anyway...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

What is it with mediocrity?

It seems that so much of our current cultural discourse is bland and trite. I recognize the need to be vacuous and meaningless from time to time but things are getting out of hand.

I recently worked at a concert by a prominent female entertainer at a major venue and was non-plussed to say the least. I don't want to mention her name because this is not a review and I don't want to come off as mean spirited. She seemed like a very nice woman. She probably loves kittens and small children. She is probably a good bowler.

I was non-plussed, not so much by her lack of talent but, more interestingly, I was impressed by what she represents.

She has a so-so voice, her material was predictable, the sets and costumes were uninspired and she is only a fair dancer. I will say that the video element and the band itself were amazing but they were not the headliners.

She was surrounded by 18 dancers, 14 young ripped men and 4 slithering women. The repertoire was rap/hip-hop and "pop", or what passes for pop these days. VERY loud, one or two chord extravaganzas played live to a CD backup track. Cheese, plain and simple.

But the concert betrayed a deeper tear in the fabric of our modern society (nice metaphor but just as tired as what it describes...you would agree?)

We are surrounded by crap. Crap in entertainment, crap in politics and crap in food and fashion.

The only place where crap does not reign supreme is in professional sports. In that area you have to be good in order to play. You don't make it to The World Series unless you are capable of playing in "the show." But even there the crap exists away from the actual game with all of the posing and "trash talking."

Our entertainers are, in some cases, famous just for being famous, as opposed to, say...TALENTED! Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep aside, few actors can really act...they are cast for doing one thing. Sneering, crying, laughing, they are given roles because they have "box office" appeal. They put bodies in the seats, eyeballs on the screens. Who was the last actor to really act? Sylvester Stallone? Keanu Reeves? Cameron Diaz? Puhleez. We love what they do but it is far from acting.

And our musicians are no better. Can Britney sing? Can Jay-Zee or Chris Brown? Or Ashlee Simpson? I think not.

Are Calvin Klein jeans worth $300 a pair or DKNY? Why? They are BLUE JEANS! Levi's are the best and at a fraction of the cost.

And McDonald's could serve McCaviar on McMelba toast all day long but, in the end, it would still be McDonald's.

We are inundated and engulfed in ka-ka.

And "don't get me started" on our politicians. Michele Bachmann? Rick Santorum(E Pompous Santorum)? RICK PERRY! Oh...My...God! Please save us from these IDIOTS! I would consider converting to any religion or cult that could promise me salvation from these a-holes!

So...mediocrity. It is in our schools, in the malls, on the street, in our homes...everywhere.

We are encircled. We are beseiged. WE ARE DOOMED!

So, if you can't beat 'em join 'em.

Pass the chips and TURN IT UP!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Next Time...

Sarah Palin, apparently, has no real commitment to the country.

She, seemingly, has a commitment to only one thing.

Her family.

That is what she would like you to believe.

But here's the thing. Three years ago John Maverick (Bart and Bret's youngest brother) hurled Palin onto the national scene by choosing her to be his vice presidential running mate.

She went on to create a career as an opportunist which she had supposedly begun in Alaska, where she could see her back porch from her kitchen window...and also Joe McGinniss.

She went around the country making incendiary speeches getting everyone all riled up.

She hosted a reality TV show.

She wrote books and had books written about her.

She became a "pundit" on Fox News.

She solidified her standing as both a cougar and a MILF.

She introduced us to her daughter, Bristol, and the "boyfriend", Levi Johnston.

Thank you for that, by the way.

She flirted with a run for the presidency and then...WHAP! One of her acolytes, the ever idiotic Michele Bachmann, announced that she was going to campaign for the nation's highest office thereby stealing a bit of Sarah's thunder.

Palin's poll numbers began to fall and now she enjoys a place near the bottom with such august company as Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman.

She announced, the other day, that she would not run and wanted to devote more time to her family and presumably the neighborhood moose population. That was code for her wanting to devote more time to making money...

Thank you GOD! She's not going to be in the race! We are left with, probably, Mitt Romney but even he is better than Palin would have been.

We caught a break!

But only for a few years. She will continue to be a newsmaker and firebrand and will continue to spew her venom and mediocrity wherever she has a paying audience and an all too willing press corps.

So relax. We won't have Palin to "kick around anymore"...at least not until 2016 if Obama wins or 2020 if he loses. Then she'll be "baaaack!"

So much for the Champagne.

Daddy...can I?

The problem is not on Wall Street.

It's on Main Street.

Probably not a popular position but stay with me. The protestors trying to occupy Wall Street are a tad misguided, in my view.

I understand their frustration. They see gabillionaires with their yachts, mansions and trophy wives and cars. They feel disenfranchised with gas at almost $4.00/gal. and a sour economy with few jobs available.

But it really isn't "Wall Street's" fault.

It's the fault of the voters and therefore their elected representatives.

Think of it this way. If a kid comes up to it's father and says, "Daddy...can I have some candy?" and the father says "Sure...but don't eat too much", what do you think will happen?

The child will eat candy until it can't eat anymore. Then the child might throw up all over the new carpet and/or become obese in the bargain.

Who's to blame here? The kid? I think not. The fault lies with the father. He should have exercised more judgement and let the child have only a little bit of candy.

What did he think the child would do? Did he really think that the kid would only eat a little bit of candy? Did he actually think that his child would stop eating after only a few bites? Did he think that junior would "self police?"

Actually...did he think at all?

We elect people who will say anything to get elected. The only people they listen to, once they are in office, are their sponsors, their donors, their benefactors, their puppetmasters.

Those who pay control the game. Not us. We think we have a voice but we really don't. We are given two choices and we elect the one whose PR firm has done the best sales and marketing job (or Black Ops job...)

So Wall Street is simply doing what any of us would do. It's human nature. They see opportunities and they try to maximize them.

If you told any of the Wall Street protestors that you were going to give them a raise at their job, is there any one of them that would say, "No thanks. I make enough already."

Are you kidding? They would take the raise and be thrilled with the extra money.

And they would buy yachts, mansions, trophy wives and cars.

The protestors should aim their rhetoric where it belongs.

In the mirror.

I Hate The Theatre!

That said...I attended one of the finest theatrical presentations of my life not long go.

I must preface, in defense of this post's title, by saying that I was a theatre major in college and worked many years professionally as a technical director, lighting technician, stagehand and even an actor ("I'm Getting My Act Together and Taking It On The Road" by Cryer and Ford, produced by Joe Papp at The Public Theatre and directed by the legendary Word Baker...in which I created the role of "Jake")

I have "been there", "done that" and torn way too many "tee shirts..."

The theatre normally bores me to tears...even professional productions but especially amateur ones.

So when some dear friends invited me to watch their darling daughter in a version of Hamlet at the prestigious Long Wharf Theatre in New Haven I was less than enthusiastic.

I love my friends and their daughter, who is a terrific actress and dancer...even if she is only a teenager. Really unusually gifted.

So I went. I was right on time. Having worked at The Hartford Stage Company I knew that if I was even a minute late I would have to endure the lobby until the first scene change.

I got my program and took a seat.

The set was minimal and the lighting was utilitarian. A small "Black Box" theatre with platforms.

What caught my eye immediately was a full rock band set up on an upstage riser. Hmmmm. What could this mean...?

The lights dimmed and the play began.

I once played the role of Polonius. Hamlet can be tough, even for Kenneth Branagh.

Things started a bit slowly and I started to fidget. Arghhh! I was stuck and for three hours and with only ONE intermission. I'd never make it. I was going to have to bail...

But the all of sudden, as if on cue, the energy in the room changed. The acting became more refined. The lighting and "sets" made sense. The actors formed a rock band that intermittantly began playing songs that were relative to the dialogue and I was, in a word...enraptured!

I was on the edge of my seat and was upset when the intermission happened. I didn't want it to stop!

And at the end of the play I didn't want it to be over.

The famous "To be or not to be" soliloquy was probably the best I've ever heard, delivered with an authenticity that belied the teenage years of the actor who played Hamlet. Truly awesome.

And my friend's daughter, while playing a small part, left me, as always, transfixed. I only hope I have as good a seat when she accepts her first Oscar. Watch for Jane Logan. She is going to be a star. She will be her generation's Meryl Streep. Mark my words.

So...I now must honestly say that I hated the theatre. You'll still never catch me at a dinner theatre production of "Company" or some innovative attempt at "Ah! Wilderness"...but that one night, in the presence of teenage superstars at one of the finest regional theatres in the world, changed my opinion.

Now I will have to say, "I hated the theatre...except for this one performance of Hamlet I saw X number of years ago."

It was wonderful...and I had a great time...in spite of myself.

Thanks kids! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 20, 2013...

I am registering profound disappointment at the lack of of enthusiasm for "Don't Forget The Facts", the public page on Facebook, reminding anyone who is interested in keeping the presidential election about the truth, of exactly how we got into the social and economic mess we're in and levelling the playing field vis-a-vis Obama's responsibility vs. Republicans...

It has nine "likes..." NINE!!

This is not about me. This is about trying to have an election where the "loyal" opposition is called to account for their culpability. Obama needs a fair shake in this election and he won't get one if we forget how this all came about. The Republicans will blame Obama for everything and try to convince us that they can do a better job, when, in point of fact, it is the "job" that they did that, in part, caused the problem.

If we don't pay attention we'll be inaugurating Perry/Romney/Bachmann/Palin on January 20, 2013.

13 is a traditionally unlucky number. Do we really want to be that unlucky. Really...punk...do we...?

Come on people...what gives?

Go to the page..."Like" it...spread the word...Viralize it! Let's GO!!!!!

Loves Me Not

Here's what happens.

Every four years we are called upon to vote for president. We listen, intently, to the rhetoric and, after careful deliberation, we decide and cast our ballot.

Then, in very short order, we become disillusioned and start to dislike and then, sometimes even hate the guy we had voted for.

The problem is that the other guy is always worse.

I voted for Barack Obama. Not so much because I was so in love. It was more of vote against the possibility of four more long, agonizing years of the Republicans running things. I saw Obama as just another greasy pol only a little less so.

After eight years of George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and all of the rest I just couldn't, in good conscience, vote to elect another Republican, especially after John Maverick (the little known youngest brother of Bart and Bret) had chosen Mrs. Nitwit as his running mate. No could do.

I would have voted for Mickey Mouse had he been on the ticket...four fingers and all. Will somebody please explain that to me? Why do cartoon characters only have four fingers...a thumb and three? Were they all wounded in battle or did they all cut off a finger using a table saw?

So I voted for Obama. Hillary would have been a much better choice but we all know what happened there. Monica Lewinsky happened there. Along with Vince Foster and Whitewater, Health Care, "Don't Ask-Don't Tell", the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" and "It Takes a Village."

We were just plum worn out by the Clintons. And we all knew that if we elected Hill we got Bill. They are a great team and were oodles better than George and Laura but the body politic couldn't let it go.

The sex thing is what did 'em in. There hasn't been a more competent husband and wife team in the White House since FDR and Eleanor but Hill and Bill had the Sex Albatross to contend with. In the end, it was just too much.

So I had to vote for Obama.

But now, like clockwork and right on schedule, he has risen to disappoint. His approval rating is way down and, according to recent polling, he is no longer a shoe-in for re-election.

But, again, I can't bring myself to vote for the Republicans.

Imagine hiring an electrical contractor to work in your house. The electrician screws everything up and the company charges a fortune anyway.

You fire them and hire another, seemingly, better contractor. They take too long and don't live up to your expectations.

Here's the question:

Are you going to hire the first company again?

Are you a MORON?!!

So...I can't vote for Romney or Perry or Bachmann. And I don't like Obama.

So what's a voter to do?

Maybe a third party candidate will emerge who will capture the spirit and imagination of the electorate and promise to change the status quo and deliver us from the social hell we find ourselves in.

And where have you heard that before? Any guesses?

Anyone?

Bueller...?

New York to California: SHUT UP!

When the Northridge Earthquake hit California in 1994 Americans responded. Our brethren were in trouble...how could we help.

We sent food and medical supplies and people came from the four corners of this vast country to lend a hand at a time of need.

Fortunately nothing major happened the other day when the East Coast experienced a rare earthquake of its' own. What was California's response?

Laughter and ridicule.

Hmmmmmmm....

It makes you wonder. Are times that bad? Are we that insensitive as a people that when something happens to the "other guy" we laugh and poke fun?

We'd like to think not but it seems so.

But it's always been that way. As a matter of fact it's what causes most of the conflict in the world.

Rick Perry is running for president and therefore we have to be subjected to the "Texas is Better" refrain until he, hopefully, loses, or, if he wins, for from four to eight years...OY!

When Howard Dean ran we heard "Vermont is the Best." Mitt Romney sings two songs at once. Michigan is the Best and so is Massachusetts except for its' healthcare plan which he designed and is great for the Bay State but not for the rest of the country.

Obviously Alaska is King, both in crab production and in Palin production, both teenage and oportunism.

Minnesota was twice blessed as the Best but is now only half as Best because of the loss of Casper Milquetoast, er, um...Tim "Paw" Pawlenty who was the Best until he wasn't and had to cede to Michele "Bach" Bachmann who is now the Best except for the possibility of Rick Perry...which neatly gets us back to Square One.

Each state thinks it's the Best. From New York (which does have the Best city...NYC...really...but only slighter Better than San Francisco and much, much Better than Houston) to North Dakota to Georgia to New Mexico, each state prides itself on its' Betterness.

The Best syrup, the Best team, the Best looking women, the Best burger, the Best weather. Everywhere has the Best of something and because its' got something that is Better than its' counterpart elsewhere, the residents think that, by extension, that one thing means that the rest of the state is the Best as well.

Well, I hate to break the news to ya but, dearie, it ain't.

The Best Maple Syrup does come from Vermont but otherwise Vermont is dull except for the skiing...which is, obviously rivalled by Colorado and Utah which have no beaches (I'm sorry but a beach is at the OCEAN...not at a lake...which is really not water in the recreational sense. Boating happens on the OCEAN. Going in circles happens on a lake...)

The Best pizza is in New York unless you like the deep dish stuff Chicago is famous for, which I don't, and obviously the Yankees are the best team except for the Red Sox and the Cubs and the Giants and the Dodgers and the Braves and the O's...but not the Marlins who have the worst colors in baseball but a better logo than the Angels, which is loathsome, but not as good as the Brewers which is inspired.

Texas has the Best Arrogant Loud Mouths with New York running a very close second but not at all challenged by Kansas which is a very quiet state ("I'm goin' to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come. They got a crazy way of lovin' there and I'm gonna get me some", which would suggest that Kansas might not be as quiet as aforementioned...OOPS...just found out that that Kansas City is in Missouri so forget all of that...sorry...Missouri has the second Best river, after the Mississippi, which is really all that Mississippi is good for even if the river starts in Minnesota, which is disqualified because it already has Michele Bachmann...remember?), with the notable exception of Pastor Fred Phelps who is only threatened by Pastor Terry Jones of Florida thereby putting Florida in the running...

California has too much of the Best to mention here...except for a generosity of spirit which, cleverly, returns us to the point of this post.

We, on the East Coast, experienced an earthquake. It scared the beJesus (should that be capitalized, as in "BeJesus" or "Bejesus"...? Anyone? Bueller?) out of us.

It would have been nice if the the arrogant Left Coasters had shown some EMPATHY and loved us through it. It would have been the nice thing to do.

It would have made us feel Better. We would not have felt so alone.

But what do you expect from a state that produces The High Sierras, Big Sur, San Francisco, The Pacific Coast Highway, Napa Valley, La Jolla and Pamela Anderson?

They think they are the Best. Well they're not!

(Here's the interactive part of this post that you, dear readers, have been clamoring for. Comment with your choice and I'll tally the results and declare a winner at some future date, to be announced sometime in the future, on some date...in the future.)

The Best state in the Union is...

What if...?

Here's the deal.

We have the right to vote in these United States...at least most of us do.

So...

A VERY small percentage of eligible voters actually make our decisions.

We have a two party system with an occasional third just for laughs.

A relatively few Democrats get together at their convention and nominate someone to represent them.

The Republicans do the same.

Then we are left to decide between the two...with a glance at the third party person who most of us reject on the premise that "he/she'll never win so why should I throw my vote away or, by voting for him/her, tip the election to the scumbag I really hate and would never vote for even with a gun to my head..."

Therefore...

If we want Obama to be relected then we should all join the Republican Party, become delegates and go to their convention next summer.

We could be Trojan Horses. We could enter a real idiot into the pool of nominees and lobby for votes and have that ninnie be the standard bearer of the GOP.

That way Obama would be guaranteed the election.

Or vice versa. We could join the Democrats and go to their convention and help draft Hillary or Michael or Michael or Sean and thereby guarantee that the Right Wing base would be so energized against that candidate that they would get out the vote for the GOP.

We have the power. The hell with working within our usual party of choice.

Let's join the opposition and get 'em from within...!

Sheep in wolf's clothing kind of thing ...get it?

They'll never know what hit 'em.

BUT WAIT!!!

What if it backfires and we help get a Hyper-Conservative nincompoop elected or a Left Wing Extremist?

As Gilda Radner famously said,

"Never mind...!"

Never Say Di

August 31st will be the 14th anniversary of Princess Diana's death.

September 5th will be the 14th anniversary of Mother Teresa's death.

More on that later.

I may offend some people with this next statement but here goes anyway.

I am sick and tired of hearing about Princess Diana.

She was a marginally attractive, average young girl who married an average prince and, unfortunately, didn't live anywhere close to happily ever after.

When we think of inbreeding we think of the banjo playing boy in the film Deliverance.

We don't think of royalty. But that's who they are. The royals are people who are descended from people who are all related to one another in some way.

These are not, as they say, the sharpest tools in the shed.

Hundreds of years ago some guy was the strongest in the area and could kill anything, man or beast, with his bare hands. The locals would usually make this guy king and then he would run the show.

He did what he wanted mostly because he could. Who was going to stop him?

Kings owned everything. All the land, all the resources, all the gold and, essentially, all the people.

They were his "subjects." They obeyed his commands or they 1) lost their heads, 2) spent eternity in a dungeon, 3) paid the king a lot of money or 4) lost their heads.

Now kings and queens are nothing but figureheads who have a lot of ceremonial duties and a hell of a lot of money.

But they are also the wealthiest group of welfare recipients on the planet. Their countries pony up millions to keep them in furs and diamonds. And all of this is to pay homage to some antiquated sense of pride, the original source of which died off ages ago.

And they are all such pitifully average people. And they really do nothing to contribute to their individual societies. They play polo or golf or go on vacation to palaces. They have yachts and servants and chauffers.

But what else to they do?

Not much really.

Now, Princess Diana was a perfectly lovely young girl. She was a schoolteacher and seemed sweet enough. Too bad she married an older man who was not ever in love with her. He proved that when, not long after her death, he married his true love, with whom he lives very happily today.

She bore two average sons and carried on an affair with another average man of wealth, with whom she died in that crash in Paris.

I am sorry she died. I'm sorry for her and her family. But as far as I am concerned she was no greater than the thousands of young women who die each year in car crashes and from disease and domestic abuse and drug overdoses.

This is where Mother Teresa comes in. I find it ironic that less than a week after Princess Diana died, one of the greatest women in history also died.

Diana's death eclipsed any coverage of Mother Teresa's passing.

Mother Teresa was a truly inspiring person. She devoted her life to God and to the service of mankind. She tended to the poorest of the poor and the sickest and weakest among us.

She was as close to a living saint as you can get. She will probably become a real saint in the near future. No one has ever deserved it more.

But, as I drove along the highway the other day I saw a billboard which prompted this post.

There will be a Princess Diana celebration in September at one of the casinos nearby.

Let me say that again for emphasis and maximum effect.

There will be a Princess Diana celebration in September at one of the casinos nearby.

It's almost too hard to believe that one.

So, I am sick of hearing about Princess Diana. She contributed practically nothing to humanity, unless you count the millions she's earned in royalties for her estate (and the impossible dreams she created for millions of little girls...) At least Elvis and the other Princess, Grace, really did something to warrant the adulation and subsequent windfall in merchandising.

Princess Diana has been beatified simply because she was a princess (and, incidentally, worked to remove mines from former war zones...admirable but hardly worth a spot in the Guinness Book. After all, most celebrities have causes to help justify their millions.)

So on August 31st stop a moment and say a little prayer. Say it for Diana but, this time, say one for Teresa too.

If your lucky, Teresa will be listening.

Don't Forget The Facts

NOTICE:

I have created a Facebook page entitled "Don't Forget The Facts."

It is a page designed to remind the reader exactly who is responsible for the mess the country is in right now.

The Republicans, during the upcoming presidential campaign, will attempt to persuade the American people that Barack Obama is responsible for the Wall Street crisis, high umemployment, economic degradation, war and a host of other troubles facing us as a nation. It's all his fault.

The Facebook page is devoted to the fact that the problems we face were caused, in large part, by George W. Bush and the Republicans in Congress.

Three simple facts:

1) In 2000 the average price of gasoline, nationwide, was $1.65

Now it's $3.65

2) Unemployment was at 4.2%

Now it's at 9.1%

3) We were at peace.

While it may be true that Obama is responsible for some part of what's happening it is more true that he has been trying to clean up after 8 years of recklessness by the Republicans in Congress and a Republican administration.

The Wall Street "Meltdown" occurred on Bush's watch and it was his Treasury Secretary, Henry Paulson, who provided us with TARP. And Bush's father had it right when he labeled Reagan's policy of "trickle down" as "Voodoo Economics." Too bad his son was more concerned with one-upping his father than with the economic welfare of the nation.

The Wars in Afgahnistan and Iraq were begun by George Bush, the former with some justification because of 9-11, the latter under dubious conditions. Bush's father had it right, again, when he stopped just short of Baghdad. Again, too bad that W. needed to prove something to "The Old Man" at the expense of our children soldier's lives.

And keep in mind that for the past three years the Republican leadership, as well as a majority of the rank and file, have done everything they could to get in Obama's way, never offering solutions only putting up roadblocks.

The Republicans have shown a naked concern for political gain and an obsessive drive to take control of both Congress and now The White House. They seem more concerned with taking power away from Obama and the Democrats then they do with the everyday concerns of average American citizens.

So, please go to "Don't Forget The Facts" on Facebook and "Like" it of you agree...and pass along the information.

Don't let the Republican Party or the Tea Party hoodwink you into thinking, even for a moment, that Obama is the sole cause of the problems that we face.

He's not. The Republicans created these problems with their cries for "No Taxes","No Regulations" and Nation Building in pursuit of oil. And now they are trying to pin the results on Obama.

Not fair, not true and NOT OKAY!

Don't let them get away with it...again...

Learn and remember the truth of the recent past and then decide.

And one more thing while I'm at it and all riled up...!

When they label Obama a Socialist ask them if they like knowing that when they call 911 someone shows up...and fast! If that's Socialism then I, for one, am all for it!

The Republicans Are Better

The sad fact is that the Republican Party has the better idea. Not ideas, mind you, but "idea."

They, as a group, have got more of "it."

It's a Darwinian thing, survival of the fittest. Morality and fairness have nothing to do with it. It's not relevant, really, how they got their stuff...the money, power and material things.

The point is that they got it...all.

You think that we can change things by voting for people like Barack Obama?

Well think again. Number one, he's Black. Number two he's a Democrat from Chicago. Number three he is an educated, Progressive thinker. Number four, he's Black.

The reason Obama is President is because McCain blew it and because Bush was such a failure. He was a failure in public relations terms not in terms of what he accomplished for...the Republicans.

Obama may have inherited the mess we are in from Bush but the real winners were, and are, the billionaires that were created out of nearly ten years of war and the Wall Street "meltdown."

There may be a recession in the world today but the Republicans are not feeling it.

Mitt Romney referred to corporations as people. His point was that the beneficiaries of corporate success are the stockholders, whomever they may be. But he betrayed a core Republican belief. Corporations are run by millionaires and benefit those who know how to play the financial game. He should know. He's one of them.

Republicans have simply mastered the art of "getting" and, more importantly, keeping.

They get and keep by any means necessary. They elect an actor and then beatify him and enshrine an economic theory that has never held water...

They elect a class clown simply to put a plan in motion that channels money to the wealthy.

They allow Congress to deregulate business and then watch as business does what it does best...keep it's money.

The sad Democrats just don't seem to "get it." They are idealistic. "Change We Can Believe In!"

Bull!

The rich do keep getting richer and there is nothing we can do about it.

The Republicans play dirty pool, whether in business or in politics and the Democrats just can't seem to play that game. They can't catch up.

Ultimately we are jealous. We all want the big house(s) and the fancy cars and the jewelry and the trophy wives. We envy the Country Club set because so many of us are not in it and never will be. What do you think fuels the Lottery? Dreams of creating an orphanage or a food bank or finding the cure for AIDS?

Hell no! It's dreams of yachts and island getaways and Ferraris and garbage bags full of cash.

Face it, The Republicans are just better at getting to and staying on top. They may occasionally lose an election but we all know by now that the Presidency is a sham, just for show.

The President has no real power. He simply does the bidding of his benefactors who pander to his ego while heaping cash on his campaign. And that cash is not for civic or humanitarian purposes. It's to buy influence. It's used to sway the decisions in their favor so they can get more...you guessed it...cash.

So I think this time I may vote Republican. I'm rooting for Bachmann. Why not. A woman. Reasonably attractive. Perky. Full of sass.

President Bachmann will preside over the eventual downfall of the Republic and it will be lovely to have a woman at the helm to ease the pain as only women can do. She'll most likely issue government milk and cookies. But not chocolate chip. Chocolate is too expensive and we'll be trying to balance the budget while going down for the third time.

Meanwhile the ones with all of the money will be watching from their palatial hideaways plotting their next move.

The rich. The powerful. The Republicans.

Oh, by the way, I previously said there was "nothing we could do about it."

Well in that regard history is our best guide. It's happened before and hopefully won't need to happen again.

I have two words for you, dear reader.

"Marie Antoinette."

Au revoir.

Happy Thanksgiving

My cousin, Billy Joseph, died yesterday.

We grew up together. He was younger than I am and we all called him Billy. I tried to call him Bill when we got older but it sounded wrong.

He will always be Billy to me.

He was a thoroughly wonderful man. He was the best part of our family.

He was the youngest child and only son of my Aunt Jean and Uncle Lenny. Jean was my mother's older sister.

They lived in Teaneck, New Jersey. That's where we would gather to spend almost every Thanksgiving. I would always end up in trouble and my mother and uncle would often argue but Billy was always happy and would help turn discord into harmony.

And he was always sweet. He was very sentimental. He loved, and was very attentive to, his mother and to the rest of his immediate family.

He was a terrific brother to his two older sisters, Laurie and Margie, and a great uncle to Michael and Danny, Margie's boys.

He was a proud Jew and I will always remember how he read the Kaddish at my father's funeral. He helped create the continuity we all needed at that sad moment

Billy graduated from Clark University in Worcester and almost immediately went to work for Canon, USA.

Canon's headquarters are in Lake Success, New York. It's funny that Billy would work in a town called "Lake Success" because that's what his life was...a total success.

Billy met Sofi, from whom he was divorced, in Mexico when he was working there running Canon's operation. They had two kids, Andy and Sharon. He loved those kids...and they loved him. I suspect they always will.

We all will.

Everyone loved Billy. That was probably because he loved everybody back.

When the word got out over the past few days that he was in a Hospice facility, 34 of his friends came to visit. Thirty four...!

And there can be no better testament to the magnificence of the man than the fact that, in his last weeks, his former wife and her boyfriend nursed him in her home.

Billy Joseph was a jewel. He had the qualities we all strive for. He was kind and generous and smart and funny and above all he was sweet.

The Jews have a word for it.

He was a Mensch.

Billy Joseph was, quite simply, the best.

Happy Thanksgiving Sweet Man. I will always love you.

Piper Time

You know how the saying goes. "If you want to dance..."

WTF (Washington Town of Fools)?

They are all going crazy in Washington this week about raising the debt ceiling limit.

The Democrats want to raise it and promise future cuts to try to get the country's financial house in order.

The Republicans are playing politics and won't agree to the myriad plans being offered as long as tax hikes are a part of the solution.

What is wrong with these people? Is it because they don't have to pay for anything that they don't understand the relationship between services offered and the need to pay for them?

We are fighting three plus wars, unemployment is high, our infrastructure is crumbling and our food, water, air and health system are all in crisis.

But "NO TAXES!" is the cry from The Right.

No taxes?

How else to pay for everything?

A first grader knows that if you want a candy bar you have to have a nickel.

You can borrow the nickel from Uncle Morty but he'll want the nickel back and a penny on top of it for good measure.

So you either earn the nickel outright or you borrow it or you forego the candy bar.

Or you steal it...

We, as a society, want a lot of services. From Medicare to Social Security to national defense and safe food, we want a lot from our government.

Over the years we have wanted more and more yet the Republicans continue to maintain that we can have everything without paying for it.

We can have troops in 3 theaters of operation for free.

We can have good health care and retirement funds for nothing.

We can have confidence in our food supply by the good graces of the Easter Bunny.

And they want to extend the Bush Tax Cuts...an economic policy which didn't work for Reagan any better than it worked for Dubya, whose father correctly labeled it "Voodoo."

Again I say...WTF?!!!

People object to high taxes in part, I suspect, because of two things.

One is that they see the rich and the political class being unaffected by those taxes.

And, second, they see the tax money either being squandered or misappropriated. Can anyone say "Bridge to Nowhere", "Bank Bailout" or "$600 Hammer?"

I don't think we, as a people, would mind paying money for the continuation of good quality services as long as we felt that the taxes were fair and that corruption was being stopped at all levels of government.

But until that day we will bitch and moan about having to pay for what we want.

I think that Congress and Obama will reach an agreement, albeit at the eleventh hour, when they realize that their paychecks will be in jeopardy if they don't.

They couldn't care less about "The American People."

We're disposable

Dr. Leery I Presume?

The Sixties.

Timothy Leary.

"Tune in, Turn on, Drop out."

I consider myself a political junkie. I regularly tune in to politics. I have covered it as a broadcast cameraman. It intrigues me.

I turn on to it. Hence the term "junkie." I'm somewhat addicted.

But recently I have found myself in the third part of that infamous phrase.

I am watching myself drop out.

As I have written in this space before, I was in Invesco Field in Denver in 2008 and about 100 feet from Barack Obama when he accepted the historic nomination of the Democrats to be their candidate for the presidency.

People were screaming and crying and holding one another. It was a time to rejoice, to be hopeful.

It was a moment at which we believed, however naively, that "change" was, indeed, possible.

But now, three years later, I find myself tuned out, turned off and in the process of dropping out.

I'm not paying attention. I just don't seem to care...

I am totally disappointed in Obama. The Republicans, to whom I actually listen, are devoid of ideas and leadership ability.

The entire political class is morally and intellectually bankrupt, in complete denial and totally out of touch with the average American.

The Tea Party offers a philosophical ray of hope but they, too, are unconcious when it comes to reality.

The power base in Washington is really on Wall Street and the monied interests control the conversation and, therefore, the agenda.

The problems we face as a nation are complicated and diverse. I don't pretend for an instant to have the answers but I do know one thing.

The politicians yammering to get our votes will say anything to get elected and once in office will do what their sponsors have directed them to do.

Until we start telling the truth and elect people who actually give a damn about this country more then their own pockets we will continue to be doomed to riding the slide down, down, down to our eventual demise.

This grand experiment, begun 235 years ago, has drifted so far from the moral center intended by the founders that it scarcely resembles the same country for which we have been fighting, lo these many years.

It's a tragic and horrible shame.

Obama can't fix it because he's the problem. Romney, Palin, Pawlenty and Bachmann, et al, can't fix it because they, too, are the problem.

The problem can't be fixed because we're out of ideas.

The problem can't be fixed because we're out of leaders.

The problem can't be fixed because we're out of heros.

Happy Independence Day...

There Go The Toasters!

Nostalgia Part 4.

Remember when you opened a new account at the bank and they gave you a toaster?

Or a microwave? Or one of those kits for cutting hair which you could also get by saving 7.3 million Plaid or Green Stamps? The kind of kit that your father got so he could give you a haircut just before you returned to school from summer vacation and, therefore, had to wear a woolen hat (we called it a "Beanie", as in "Beanie-Copter", the hat with the propeller on it) to hide the disaster even though it was September and still very warm...

I mention this because The Bank of America, affectionately know as one of the "Five Families", has been ordered to pay 8.5 billion...billion...dollars in reparations as a result of their involvement in the sub-prime debacle.

Ordinarily this would be cause for rejoicing, for doing "The Happy Dance!" You know, the dance where you push your ass out, your head forward and move your arms up and down like a lunatic (not to be confused with Elaine's famous dance move...)

Anyway, normally I'd be doing "The Happy Dance!" But I'm not.

I'm just not doing it and here's why.

The entire fiscal "crisis" of '07 was somewhat suspect, mostly because I and almost everyone else, could not even begin to understand derivatives and the other Whartonesque (Full Disclosure: my father was Wharton, Class of '27) fabrications that caused the so-called "meltdown."

If something is that complicated then it is probably bogus in some way. The "baffle 'em with bullshit" theory...

All I know is that a very few people got fabulously rich while the vast majority of the rest of us were, and are, circling the drain. We, the taxpayers, gave the banks gabillions so they wouldn't "fail." Hmmm...

I was in Cannes in '09 and '10. If you could have seen the yachts and luxury cars your only question would have been, "What Recession...?"

So the B of A must fork over a paltry 8.5B

What do you think will happen to the bank? Will it be chastened? Will it reexamine its' ethics? Will heads roll?

Not on your life.

The only thing that will happen is that they will discontinue the only thing of value that they offer.

They will stop giving away lollipops at the teller's window. The lollipops which are the modern day equivalent of the toasters and microwaves and hair cutting kits of yore.

But let's look on the bright side.

Less lollipops? Less cavities.

And there is not one man jack of you over 60 who bemoans the loss of the hair cutting kit.

It was 1965...The Beatles were the rave. My father "sported" a crew cut. 'Nough said...

I miss my father every day. But I'm here to tell you that I don't miss his "haircuts."

Not one little bit!

The Scottish Play

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Macbeth. Act IV, Scene IV

That last part is often used to characterize a blowhard, an idiot. It describes, in modern parlance, one who is spouting off about something, full of vigor, with no apparent substance to back up the noise.

Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Michelle Bachmann come to mind when we hear these wonderful, ancient words.

But Shakespeare as no fool. He was a master of the use of language. He could really turn a phrase, that one.

And what is he describing. exactly? Read it again. He's not talking about any specific individual. He's talking about life itself!

Wow, what a thought. That life is vacuous and meaningless. We just amble through it, from beginning to end and "at the end of the day", it all amounts to nothing.

Hmmm...

I started this post with that phrase in mind as a way to describe the current crop of idiots running for the presidency.

I was thinking about how, in a few years, or maybe hundreds, the people we are forced to listen to, from Donald Trump to Barack Obama...all of them will be footnotes.

None of them are truly great statesmen. None are inventors of grand concept or original thought. There isn't a Shakespeare among 'em.

They are actors, playing parts that we expect them to play. White hat, black hat, left, right, good, bad. Dependent upon our point of view, they are either saints or the Devil reincarnate.

I take some comfort in knowing that the pain of having to endure the likes of Sarah Palin and even Barack Obama is offset by the fact that in some moment in history to come, no one will remember them, no one will know who they were or what they had to say.

Do you know who ran for president in 1842? I sure didn't. I had to look it up. It was John Tyler.

Who else ran? Who lost to him? What did those people have to say?

I have no clue. And furthermore I couldn't care less.

I'm too busy caring about my life, however futile it may be. I'm too busy worrying about the mortgage and my family. I'm just too damned busy.

So in some distant time no one will have ever heard of Sarah Palin. No one will ever know that she claimed that Paul Revere was riding to warn the British of impending troubles (what...did he shout, "You are coming! YOU ARE COMING!!?") No one will remember the fact that she could see Russia from her back porch or that she could field dress a moose.

No one will remember and no one will care.

They will all be caught up with their own idiots who will, like life itself, be full of sound and fury...once more, signifying nothing.

The Bristol Stomp

"The kids in Bristol are sharp as a pistol when they do the Bristol Stomp."

1961. The Dovells.

One of my favorite songs growing up. It had a great beat and was easy to sing and, as they would have said on Bandstand, it was "easy to dance to."

1961. An era when things had meaning. Honor was taught at home by your parents. Having integrity was one of your most important attributes. Heros were people who actually gave of themselves for the greater good. People were respectful of others (unless, of course, you were a "Negro"...) and profanity was reserved for the privacy of intimate conversations among peers. Nudity was only available in the National Geographic Magazine and only in black and white.

Times were simpler, yet I submit, far more substantial. People really did pull themselves up by their bootstraps and a better idea really did make you a million dollars which, at the time, was more than enough for a tank of gas.

I preface with all of this nostalgia because Bristol Palin is publishing a memoir.

Pause. Allow the words to sink in.

A MEMOIR!

How old is she anyway? 12? A memoir of what? Her amazing life so far as an unwed teenage mother and reality show "star" (Elizabeth Taylor and Judy Garland were stars...)?

Please.

Bristol Palin has accomplished nothing. So far. I will give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she will go on to do great things in her life, in spite of her mother, but she ain't gotten there yet!

But Bristol Palin exemplifies the current state of affairs in these United States. We glorify mediocrity at every turn. Nothing is average enough for us. From music to the movies to fashion to food, we support the lowest common denominator.

Just take a look at the current crop of Republican presidential candidates. Bachmann, Gingrich, Pawlenty, Huntsman, Paul, Palin, Romney and others.

Not a hero among them. Not one visionary. Not one person with the creative ability or leadership characteristics necessary to come up with the policies we need to turn this country around.

All they are is mediocre and average.

But that is why they are so popular and have the potential to win. The American people settle for average. We settle for mediocrity because we are intimidated by excellence. We criticize people who actually may have the answers. We ostracize people who may be more intelligent and capable then we are because, plain and simple, we are afraid of them. "What we don't understand we fear and what we fear we hate."

It used to be that if you possessed some extraordinary quality you were sanctified. Jesus, Mozart, Einstein...these were true geniuses. These were people who actually contributed something of great value to the human race. These were not cookie-cutter idiots who live and die by their poll numbers and try to be all things to all people. They were great people.

These were people who deserved to write memoirs or have biographies written about them. These were people whose memoirs were worth reading. It was enlightening and inspiring to read about their lives.

But Bristol Palin? Do we really need to know about the first time she ate at McDonald's and whether or not she likes Justin Bieber?

No we don't. At least I don't.

You may. It's your choice. It's a free country. For now...

Go for it.

Let me know how it goes.

For the time being I'm going to get back to "Don't Mind if I Do", George Hamilton's memoir.

Now there's some good reading!

...like a hole in the head!

Are you kidding me?

Oh, you're not.

Oh...

I'll bet you a tank of gas (regular only, in New Jersey or Massachusetts...) that if/when you voted for Barry you assumed that he was against the idea of drilling for oil in Alaska in the ANWR...The Artic National Wildlife refuge. The very same idea for which Bush/Cheney was so roundly lambasted by the Noisy Left.

You thought that, right? Well, guess what.

Yup. The Big O has proposed drilling for oil domestically as a way to offset the high price of crude and to stem the dependency on the consumption of foreign oil.

Now I'm not sure whether or not this means exploration in ANWR but I'm damn sure that the whole concept is anathema to weaning ourselves from the use of fossil fuel as our primary energy source. Can anyone say "Energy Policy?"

We use a lot of oil and coal and those resources will eventually run out, not to mention the pollution that is a by-product of their use.

We don't seem to care about the development of viable alternatives. Solar, wind, hydro, geo-thermal. No serious effort or funding seems to be underway to create a cost-effective use of these, and other, technologies and to develop a domestic market.

We continue to rely on oil and coal. We pay more and more at the pump and for home heating oil. We are thrilled when we get a gallon of gas for under $4.00. I remember the day, not that terribly long ago, when a "dollar's worth" meant something. It meant you could drive your "Chevy to the levee" and get in some damned good necking! Now a dollar would hardly get you to the next gas station...across the street!

Now we seem to be content with spending a good portion of our weekly income on either gas for the car or oil for the furnace.

And, again, I say... these resources will, eventually run out!

Today it was announced that we will be tapping the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to compensate for the unrest in Libya ( a "war of choice", if you haven't forgotten...)

Wonderful. So if we really need those reserves in the case of a true national emergency, we won't have as much. Then what?

When are we going to get it? When are we going to awaken to the fact that we must change our energy consumption habits and policies while we still have the means to transition. We can't afford to wait until the horses are out of the barn to shut the door!

But back to Barry. More and more he seems to be the opposite of what we thought he was.

First Guantanamo, then the Afghanistan War surge and now drilling. And it's really hard to read his troop withdrawal from Afghanistan as anything but a political move.
He "got" Osama (some would say in contravention of international law...) but he needs the insurance of "bringing the troops home." Who's cynical there...?

What a disappointment.

And we thought there would be Change. The only "change" we have are the coins in our pockets...a few nickels at best.

The Who said it best:

"Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss."

I Love Denis Leary

I'm not ashamed.

I absolutely love Denis Leary. He is one of the most talented comedians in the world and never fails to make me laugh.

I tell you this, dear reader, as prologue to this post.

If you go to YouTube and look up Leary's rant on coffee you will, at one point, hear him go off on a tangent about fashion. He tells of an encounter with a convenience store clerk whose pants are doubling for socks.

Funny stuff. I think you might laugh out loud as I did.

So again, I ask...what is with that "fashion statement?"

Why is it cool to wear your pants down below your ass?

I understand that the trend began with inner city men emulating friends who had been incarcerated. Apparently the authorities take your belt when you get locked up, presumably so you can't hang yourself or strangle another inmate.

So when you get out your pants are falling down because you have no belt.

Got it. Young guys in the 'hood want to gain street cred so they decide to wear their pants down around their ankles to give the impression that they have done time and went up against the man and, incidentally,...lost! Chris Rock talked about not voting for Senator McCain because of his much vaunted prisoner-of-war record. Rock asks why he should vote for a man who went to war and got captured. He'd rather vote for a man who got away! More funny stuff...

But back to fashion. Don't the youngins have mirrors? Don't they see that they look ridiculous? Don't they remember that underpants are just that...underpants? To be worn under your pants (more Denis Leary there...)? Not outside as an accessory?

Maybe it's because I'm almost a senior citizen (I did get my beach pass this year with a senior discount...so...)

But I'm not completely bereft of fashion sense. I grew up in the fifties and sixties. We practically invented the ridiculous look...if you don't take the Zoot Suit into account.

We wore torn jeans, tee shirts with idiot remarks on them, Nehru jackets and HUGE bell bottoms and then platform shoes and leisure suits with the enormous shirt collar outside the jacket unbuttoned to the navel and a gold chain (I never wore the shoes or the leisure suits, etc. but I did have the bell bottoms...real ones from a Navy surplus store...with way too many buttons...and real cowboy boots...long before "Urban Cowboy")

But our drawers were always inside our trousers. And our pants were at our waists.

Period. We would have been laughed out of the room if we had shown up with our pants at our knees and our boxers exposed for all to see...with the stupid designs that underwear have on them. What are the designers thinking with that stuff? Are they just simply that cruel? And what is it with nurse's blouses? They have got to be the most god-awful patterns ever conceived of. Hands down the worst designs ever. If you weren't sick when you arrived at the hospital you will surely be almost dead after being subjected to those examples of medical fashion. Jeez!!

And baseball hats on backwards...don't get me started there. The POINT of the hat is to shield your eyes from the sun so you can catch the BALL!! WTF!!!??? And so people can read the embroidered crap on the front and be impressed by the fact that you went to Wimbledon or belong to the Hoity Toity Country Club or drink Heineken or drive a Porsche...or are a Yankee fan...or a Red Sox fan...

So, as Denis Leary puts it, "Pull up your pants!"

And as Elaine says to Jerry, "Well crafted."

I couldn't have said it better. If I had I'd be rich, not them, and I could afford that leisure suit I always secretly wanted. You know the one. The pale, robin's egg blue one in the faux denim with the white buttons and belt. And the Paisley shirt. And a Ferrari hat...

OMG...I'd be stylin' then.

Alone...but stylin'!!

Help for What?

Rep. Anthony Weiner is apparently seeking a leave of absence from Congress to receive treatment for his...what exactly?

He's not leaving because he's sick. He's leaving because he is an embarrassment to the Democrats at a time when the campaign for the White House is heating up. End of story.

The hypocrisy in this culture is outrageous!

On the one hand we deplore a-societal behaviors. Gambling, prostitution, drug use, philandering, lying, cheating and stealing.

But on the other hand we glamorize it. People flock to the casinos. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar growth industry. Drugs and, especially alcohol, are as much a part of the national culture as the flag and apple pie.

Wall Street and much of the corporate sector is built on lying, cheating and stealing. Have you filled up your gas tank recently? Is your house worth half of what you paid for it? How many Mulligans did you take last round?

Eliot Spitzer became famous, and New York's Governor, based, in part, by his prosecutions of vice-related crimes. He was caught in a brothel, drummed out of office and then...Presto! He's a popular TV host and pundit.

Martha Stewart was convicted of insider trading, did time and then...Presto! She's got her multi-million dollar business back.

Latrell Sprewell nearly choked the life out of his coach, was "reprimanded" and...Presto! He was rewarded with a continuing lucrative pro career and the accolades of fans.

And on and on.

Anthony Weiner used social networking to be...ah...social. He sent provocative pictures to women other than his wife. Bad boy!

Kim Kardashian and countless other nearly naked women have made careers out of displaying their abundance on the public stage. From Rosalind Russell to Marilyn Monroe to Raquel Welch to Pamela Anderson to Anna Nicole Smith to Paris Hilton we have been treated to the cleavage and legs and sexual fantasy that these women and so many others provided.

Their bodies were, and are, worth a fortune to the people who profit from relationships with these "celebrities", let alone the women themselves.

And we have "The World Series of Poker"

And Jello-Shots.

We decrie the base nature of these behaviors yet, at the same time, we glorify them.

We are full of crap as a society.

We are incapable of telling the truth, either to ourselves or to others.

Politicians stock-in-trade is their polished ability to lie to everyone in order to get and stay elected. And we call them heroes? They are the worst of the worst.

So another person got nabbed with his pants down. And Weiner will probably resign over this mess. But so what? The Democrats will recover. But they will always have Clinton, The Kennedys and Rangel.

But the Republicans should be careful about yelling too loudly about him. They own Schwarzenegger, Ensign, and Foley don't forget. And the mother of all scandals, Watergate...and the Iran-Contra Affair...and Alberto Gonzales...and Iraq and WMD...and the financial crisis of '07.

The Hypocritic Oath:

"I will do what I please and lie if caught and then be contrite, after the fact. I will do no harm...to myself...only to others and I will negotiate a sweet deal for endorsements and reality shows only after my prison sentence is over."

...my other brother Darryl

Darryl Strawberry's ancestors were geniuses. Not only did they produce a great baseball player but they had the best last name of all time.

Strawberry.

Yesterday I went into our little garden and picked a small basket of fresh strawberries.

We grew 'em, we picked 'em and WE ATE 'EM!

And MAN WERE THEY GOOD!!!

Last year we tried to grow strawberries but ended up with only two, one of which I gave to my neighbor, Mark, for his gardening encouragement over the summer.

But this year, I vowed, would be different!

This year I fashioned a cage around the plants. This year I cordonned them off from the rest of the garden. This year I created a garden within a garden for our little beauties.

And this year it worked!

This year we have only lost a few, mostly to bugs and maybe a nibbling somebody who crawled through the mesh. #*%!

This year, so far, I've harvested about 18 big red orbs of strawberry magnificence.

THIS YEAR WE HAD MORE THAN TWO!!

And I ate a few right there at cageside. Right there, on my hands and knees, I pulled a strawberry from the vine (not really a vine, in the Tarzan sense, but more of a plant, on the ground, with tentacles)and popped it in my mouth.

The taste was unbelievable. It was unlike the ones in the store. Or a restaurant.

It was fresh.

And we grew it. In our own garden.

Me... a gardener...!?

Who knew...

Sheep's Clothing?

I've been bothered by a nagging question since shortly after the Election of '08.

Did we have the wool pulled over our eyes? Were we hoodwinked? Is Obama a wolf in sheep's clothing?

I was in Invesco Field the night Barack Obama accepted the Democratic nomination to run for the Presidency of the United States. I was 100 feet away from him. Many people were in tears. There was wild cheering. There was palpable excitement and an electrifying sense of the possibilities for the future.

After eight very long years of the Bush/Cheney nightmare, Obama offered the chance to redeem ourselves on the world stage and to become, once again, the great country that had been built by our ancestors.

But what happened seems to be a different tale.

Obama said he'd close Guantanamo. He hasn't.

Obama said he'd extricate us from war. Not only hasn't he done that but he doubled down in Afghanistan and got us involved in Libya.

Obama inherited Bush's Wall Street meltdown, fair enough, but then hired some of the very people responsible to "fix the problem."

Obama spoke out against government overreaching but then extended the Patriot Act.

Obama decided not to investigate any of the allegations of criminality that may have occurred under the previous administration.

Obama decried the problems that could occur from too much exploration for oil and natural gas but then authorized the expansion of drilling off the coast.

President Obama came along at a time when we were depressed and in despair as a nation. Ronald Reagan 2.0

He offered hope and "change." He promised us a return to civility in government and an approach that was above partisanship.

He said that we were not a "Blue" State or a "Red" State but the "United" States of America.

We would have elected Mickey Mouse had he run. Instead we opted for the fairy tale that Obama and his proselytizers offered.

Elect Barack Obama and everything will be alright again in America.

Elect Barack Obama and The United States will return to the era of prosperity, pride and pre-eminence.

What we've gotten, instead, is the same old, same old. Another greasy politician concerned only with the power of the office, his own importance and in taking care of his benefactors.

We believed and we got slammed.

But what do we expect when we are more concerned with Anthony Weiner's underwear then we are with the core state of the Union and the intricacies of the policies and choices being offered.

We got what we paid for and too bad for us if we didn't read the expiration date.

The milk is bad. Deal with it...

Definition

Definition:

TWIT...1) One who sends sex pictures on Twitter thinking no one will ever know. 2) Anyone who uses Twitter.




And again I ask, What The F#*K!?

I shot an interview with Anthony Weiner a number of years ago for NBC News.

He was charming, self-effacing and friendly. He even let my daughter, then 8, and her friend, conduct an "interview" of their own. He was a genuinely nice guy.

I liked him and I liked the positions he took publicly about this or that policy or political matter.

He seemed like a viable answer to the idiots in Washington who were promoting bad things for this country.

He seemed like the real deal.

Now we come to find out that he is just like all of the rest of those jerks who can't keep their private parts out of the public eye.

And what is up with the lying? Richard Nixon set the best example ever. You do a bad thing and then lie...? You're done! Finished! Kaputsky!

And, time and again, people will tell you that it's not so much the deed but the lie and attempted cover-up that is so bad.

So Anthony Weiner carried on an alleged affair and sent pictures on Twitter.

Number one, what sort of a moron sends lewd pictures on the Web thinking that the pix will remain private? And, number two, what sort of a moron lies about it after getting caught, thinking that he will be the only person in history ever to get away with it?

Apparently someone like Congressman-For-The-Moment Weiner. (I just wish he had run for President with someone named Bill Schnitzel. Can you imagine the fun with that ticket? "Weiner-Schnitzel in 2016. A hot dog on every grill!")

If he had just said, "my bad" the event would be over. One, maybe two news cycles.

But NO! He had to lie. Now he's gone.

But he can take heart (not Gary Hart though...we all know what happened to him after his "Monkey Business...")

After he is forced out (he said he "welcomes" a House invesigation. Yeah, right... just like a condemned man "welcomes" the noose...) he will probably get a talk show on Fox like Eliot "Mr. Bordello" Spitzer on CNN. A spot has opened up after Glenn Beck's departure and another might become available if Sarah "The British Aren't Coming!" Palin actually declares her candidacy.

As if they don't have enough jackass commentators already.