Wednesday, April 27, 2011

A Royal Pain in the...

People who have been inbreeding for centuries spending millions on a wedding that may very well end up in scandal and divorce.

And at 4am Eastern...

You have got to be kidding me!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Donald

Here's the wonderful thing about people like "The Donald" John Trump.

They think we think they're great.

We don't. We're not laughing with them, we're laughing at them.

Charlie Sheen. Kate Gosselin. Bristol Palin. They are like car wrecks. We just can't seem to look the other way.

These people take themselves so seriously and are so fawned over by their accolytes that they can't hear the snickering going on behind their backs. No one else takes them seriously. Well maybe their accountants, lawyers and managers. But they don't count. They're just in it for the money.

And God knows The Donald has plenty of that. He's is a gabillionaire and he never let's us forget it. He figured out how to take his father's successful business and make it even more so. He gilds everything as if he is trying to legitimize himself by being covered in gold. Remember the urban myth about the girl in Goldfinger? And we all know how that was supposed to have turned out.

He marries beautiful women and puts his name on everything. No subltety there. Not for Donald Trump. No siree. Trump Tower. Trump Casino. Trump this...

If he bought a ski resort he'd name one of the bunny slopes The Trump Jump.

If he bought a landfill he'd name it The Trump Dump.

When he's depressed he's in a Trump Slump.

If he cut down a tree he'd be left with a Trump Stump...which is also what his campaign appearances are called.

When his hair is messed up it's affectionately reffered to as a Trump Frump.

And one of his followers is known as a Trump Chump.

A handful of his land is called a Trump Clump.

And last but not least...if he were a hunchback he'd have a...Trump Hump. more...a sugar cube from his sugar bowl is called a Trump Lump...or a bump on his head, which is also known as a Trump Bump...which is also the name for a speed inhibitor on his long driveway...and a dance that he popularized and also what he calls the act of firing an employee...or what happens when he gets your seat on the plane and you are left to spend the night in one of his your expense.

He is the master of "the deal." Fine. He knows how to schmooze and now he has enough money to intimidate.

He went from being a salesman on coffee to a salesman on steroids. But he'll never be anything but a salesman nevertheless.

Now he's trying to sell us on the notion that he would make a good president. Does he really think that we are that stupid? Well, actually, we might be if you look at the fact that we elected Ronald Reagan (twice) and George W. Bush (at least once...)

Maybe Trump is counting on the fact that most Americans are approaching the age at which they will be sporting comb overs of their own and will be able to relate to a man who has one. Women too...

After all we loved Reagan's cowboy act as well as W's. Never mind that Reagan was from Illinois and Bush is from New Haven. I went to school for a bit in Illinois and grew up near New Haven and I'm here to tell you that neither place is famous for cowboys. Cows maybe but not cowboys.

So Donald Trump is trying to parlay his hard earned celebrity into a chance to buy The White House. If he's elected his first official act will be to rename the First Family residence.

He'll call it The Trump House. And he'll paint it gold.

And he'll fire The White House barber. He won't need him.

Nobody else could do that hair but Himself.

The Man. The Legend. The Great Pontificator (I will relinquish my title in this instance...)

The President...?

God help us.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Goose is Dead, Long Live the Goose!

Here's what I don't understand...

It seems to be an established fact that the rich are getting richer while the rest of us are going down the drain.

The number that is used is about 1%. That seems a bit much but let's go with it.

1% of the population has more wealth than the other 99%. Unvetted and unsubstantiated numbers but effective in making the point...a tried and true device.
(See: All politicians...)

So here's my question:

If the wealthy continue to amass the money and, in so doing, we continue to see budget cuts, rising food and gas prices, unemployment and foreclosures, won't the very consumers needed to buy and the workers needed to make disappear as a result?

A Cautionary Anectdotal Tale of Woe...

A friend applied for a job at a nationally orange retailer who shall remain nameless.

The job was that of supervisor.


The location is about 40 miles from her house. 40 hours a week, plus 7.5 hours of commuting and 18% income tax would net her $1,574.40

Now, if you subtract from that amount $160.00 per month for fuel, at current prices, you end up with $1,414.40

Per month.

Now, dear reader, you tell me how that person is supposed to function in modern American society, not to mention buy the things that the rich people are gas and cars and TVs and houses?

Tell me that, will ya? Can ya??

No you can't because she can't and neither could you.

So...what happens next? If we don't buy it they don't get the money and...poof! more rich people.

Actually no more people because we won't be able to afford to feed our children and so on and so on, ad nauseum.

I don't get it. I'm a fairly smart guy but I really don't. You'd think that the rich people would understand that if they continue to price us out of the market there will be no more market left.

So, enjoy $4.00 gas and $3.00/lb. tomatoes. Get 'em while you can because what with the Terminator Seed and the Japanese nuke mess we ain't long for this world.

But we'll be in good company...all of and poor...pompous and not.

Let them eat crude oil.

Hey! That's it! A new food...


The new caviar!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Dear Friends, Fans, Loyal Readers and Detractors Alike

"Where have you been?" some might ask.

"What gives, oh Great Pontificator?" others might wonder.

"Yo!" my hip readers could say.

Well, to be honest with you( lie straight out...) I haven't had much to offer.

Now I know some of you will comment that silence or ponderance is not my strong suit but, really, I haven't had much to offer to the debate as of late.

What with a third war in Libya, high gas prices, endless winter, the budget "debate", idiots running for President, The Royal Wedding (4am...? Yeah, RIGHT!..I wouldn't even get up that early for my own wedding...) and Donald Trump, I have been dumb struck.

What can you say, after all? The world has gone mad...absolutely crazy...certifiably loony!

Oh and let's not forget Japan and their meltdown which is actually their revenge on us for Hiroshima...

There is nothing to do but plant tomatoes, love our children, hope for a sunny day and pray for mercy when Judgment Day arrives.

We're doomed and no one seems to notice. Frogs in the pot of hot water...

Answer these questions:

What would you do if this were your last day on Earth? How would you spend your time? Who would you spend it with?

They're good questions.

And they are worth asking because the homeless nut with the sign that reads "The End is Near" doesn't seem so crazy after all.

Time's a wastin'...go have fsome fun...

Thursday, April 7, 2011

...The Harder They Fall"

Glenn Beck's show is to be cancelled on Fox.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

One down, umpteen to go...

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Keeping Up With The Joneses

Is it something in the Kool-Aid or are people named Jones just plain nuts...and dangerous.

Draw your own conclusions after reading the following...and, please, have a nice day: