Not Me For President

I've decided to remove all speculation about my intentions to seek the presidency in 2012.

I'm not running.

My decision is unequivocal and final. I didn't even have to discuss it with my family.

My answer is no. Don't ask and don't write me in. I won't accept a draft (I prefer wine if you must know. White, slightly chilled and fruity but not too young.)

I'm not interested.

At least for now. Today. Right now.

The truth is I probably won't be interested tomorrow either.

Or the next day or the next. I don't think, actually, that it will ever be in my plans. I don't see it on my personal horizon.

The reason is simple. The job sucks. Sure you get to fly around in your own helicopter and get room service whenever and wherever you want. And you get to meet very cool people simply by inviting them over to the "House", an invitation they will probably not turn down.

But that's where the fun stops.

I can't imagine a worse gig in the WORLD than having to deal with the Republicans (and some Democrats, to be fair) in Congress every single day.

To think that I would propose a perfectly good idea for the country with the ability to command the military and access to the "button" but have to engage in idiotic debates with the morons in The House and The Senate.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" (as my friend Cal would say.)

The problem, as I see it, is that we have no real leaders anymore. The days of Franklin and Adams and Paine and Henry are long gone. Now we have Boehner and McConnell and Lieberman and Obama.

Excellence and oratory (I know, I know...Obama is a great "orator". Spare me...!) and good spelling have given way to mediocrity and texting and "Jersey Shore." Oh Lord, do I long for the days of Jerry Springer. At least HE was somewhat intelligent. He has to be to have parlayed (from the French for "to talk") a program about brain-dead dysfunction into a multi-million dollar empire.

Maybe if I opened a store and sold bags of dog crap people would come from all over and buy it by the pound (no pun intended...) and I, too, would become filthy (again, no pun intended...) rich.

But I'm not that smart. I'm just an average Joe trying to "make it to the bell."

Which brings me full circle and, thus, gives me pause (finally...no pun intended...but a good one nonetheless..."Pause - Paws"...get it?)

Maybe, because I am an average Joe I should run for president. I would be just like all the rest of those a-holes who are fighting so hard for the right to be hated by half of the country and most of the world and don't have the intellect to come in out of the rain.

Uhhhhhh....nah.

I don't think so. As Jimmy Stewart famously told Mr. Potter after Potter offered him a job, "I don't have to think about it."

I don't. My decision still stands.

I'm not running for president.

Absolutely, positively, totally, maybe NOT!

ps...

Send your tax-deductible contributions to the above address and be sure to include your phone number and email address so I can send you unwanted Spam and robo-call you into the nut house.

Thank you for your support. See ya at the polls...!