Friday, May 20, 2011

Plan B

I am woefully uninformed.

I have been hearing, for some time now, about the end of the world.

I grew up during the Cold War where every "Bulletin" on televison was sure to announce that the Russians had launched a missle that was going to come right through my bedroom window and wipe me out...unless, of course, I was covering my head under the bed, in which case I'd be ok.

So, when I heard about the 2012 end of the world I took it in stride. After all, I have a year to plan. I'm good.

But now comes the another, earlier end of the world.

Tomorrow. What am I supposed to do now...?

But I'm taking it seriously. I mowed the lawn and did the dishes. I changed my underwear even though I had just put on clean ones this morning.

I'm going to shave but that's only because I am beginning to look a bit ragged around the edges and if I meet my maker with a three day beard I may be mistaken for a bum and sent to Hell where all the bums go. I, personally, am not looking forward to spending eternity with Ken Lay, Ronald Reagan and Leona Helmsley. I could imagine a spirited political conversation with Richard Nixon, jamming with Sid Vicious or just looking at Aileen Wuornos in her prime but to be stuck with moron assholes is a bridge too far.

So to prevent that possibility, I'm going to clean up a bit and put on a nice shirt. An Oxford buttoned down affair. Classic blue. Traditional. But no tie. I want to be comforatble.

But you have to give the Mayans credit. They were prepared.

Nostradamus predicted tomorrow. He's one to talk. He was already in Heaven when he made that prediction. He was in St. Remy de Provence and to anyone who's been there, they know that it is Paradise on Earth. Smack dab in the middle of Southern France and truly one of the most pleasant and beautiful places around. Especially in the springtime.

But the Mayans anticipated Nostradamus and called for the end to come a bit later than tomorrow. They predicted next year.

Just in case tomorrow is a bust.

The Mayans planned for next year. Tomorrow is a dry run.

Push the button and see what happens. If it's a fizzle rather than a bang we'll have learned something.

Tomorrow's a test. It's a test of The End of The World Protocol.

If tomorrow doesn't not come(sic)then we'll be prepared for next year.

And after all, as they say in The Coast Guard, "Semper Paratus"...always prepared.

And next year is an election year. Best to be prepared for that.

Especially if Michele or Sarah or Mitt or Newt or Jeb win.

That really would be the end of the world...!

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