Leaf Me Alone!

I've made an executive decision.

I'm not raking leaves this Fall.

I'm just not going to do it.

And it's not because I can't or I don't have the tools. I can and I do.

I have rakes and a leaf blower (actually two but one doesn't blow very well...) I have not one, but three wheelbarrows (Definition of "Barrow": a flat, rectangular frame used for carrying a load in case you were wondering...extrapolate the use of "wheel")

I also have tarps to haul them to the woods and they didn't cost $700B a piece.

I refuse on several grounds...no pun intended.

1) It is a stupid thing to do...very Sisyphusish...

2) My property looks better with leaves all over it because I really don't have much grass and the leaves cover the dirt patches.

3) It is hard work and I can't prevail upon my teenage daughter to help...

4) It is a stupid thing to do...

Now what I may do however is blow the leaves up against the foundation of my house.

This would serve three purpi. Purpi is plural for purpose. Why not...? I can invent a word just as well as the next guy. It sounds like its' roots are in Latin and it makes sense. Alumnus...Alumni...Purpose (sounds like alumnus...no?)...Purpi.

Anyway, as I was saying...it would serve three purpi. One is that they would insulate the house and keep the very expensive heat on the inside. Another is that I can use the leaf blower and, in so doing, save my back and help my daughter with her "I didn't help Daddy" guilt as only one person can use the leaf blower at a time and I have already acknowleged that the other blower doesn't blow very well and one would be supremely frustrated in trying to use it and may abandon the job altogether...either one of us. But maybe, most importantly, it would reveal the copius amount of dog doo-doo that has accumulated from my dog and the neighbor's dog into which I have been stepping all to frequently as of late.

So...no raking of leaves this year...and maybe never again.

Plus, leaving them on the ground provides a mulch for the yard and maybe next year I'll have grass. Maybe monkeys will fly out of my...

I apologize to my more anal-retentive neighbors and those others who are simply more yard neat than I.

I'll make some cookies and bring over a plate.

Maybe that'll help soothe their flustered emotions.

And...no...I won't help them rake their leaves either.

Well, maybe. That way my "not raking my leaves" guilt may be assuaged.

NAAAAAAAAAH!

Which reminds me. I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year either.

So here...in advance...from the bottom of my heart...

Merry Christmas.