All Together Now...

And once again the holidays are upon us. What to do.

They really begin at Halloween. Buy this thing right now or else...

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve.

We feel such pressure to act, to perform...to spend money.

On All Hallows Eve if you don't have the right candy, not only do the kids feel robbed but you feel like a jerk. You bought the cheap stuff thinking no one would notice but when they did you feel terrible. How much more could the little Snickers have cost than the stale store brand whatevers? Not much and the little hobgoblins would have been happy and you would have been able to enjoy the leftovers rather than throwing them to the birds.

And Thanksgiving. Holy Moly is that a charged holiday. First off you don't feel at all grateful. You don't have enough money to pay the bills let alone buy all of the food you need to entertain the family. You're just pissed. And the concept of family is everchanging.

Where do I go this year? Do I go to Mom's or Uncle Joe's or which inlaw gets the pleasure of my company? And what if your toting a stray around. You know, the person who lives too far from their home to be able to go yet really has no where else to spend the day. You want to invite them but you're afraid. "What will Mom say? What will my family think if I bring an outsider? I can't let them spend the day at McDonald's."

And then the mother of all holidays, Christmas.

Now, I know there's Chanukah but really folks, isn't that just a competitive holiday?
Isn't Chanukah simply the Jewish answer to Christmas...from the "greatness" perspective.

I'm certainly not diminishing the significance of Chanukah in the Jewish tradition but I've always been led to believe that it wasn't always a big deal.

A few candles, a gift a day for a while and some chocolate in hard to open gold foil.

No one seemed to care about it until Christmas became such a commercial powerhouse and the Jewish kids saw their Christian friends having such a good time and getting so many cool gifts...all at once.

So...Christmas. Do we get a tree and how much should we pay? It used to be that you could get a nice, full-size tree for $10. Now the parking at the tree lot costs $10 and you're lucky to get out with spending $100. And that's for a table topper.
Unless you go to a tree farm. Then you get a good tree for much less...a full-size for maybe $30. And you and your kids get a ride on the tractor with the farmer. More fun then that you can't imagine.

And what to buy. Everyone you know has everything they need. Sweaters, ties, socks not to mention all of the gadgets and technology. They already have the iPod and the laptop and the flat screen TV.

And you are just throwing your money in the toilet if you think anything from Brookstone or the catalogues will last more than two days. Just check out any tag sale anywhere, let alone the town dump, if you think anyone really wants any of the crap from gadget shops or mail order. They don't. You might as well give the money to a homeless person. It would be much better spent.

And let's not forget New Year's Eve. A very good friend, a restaurateur and executive chef (you know who you are...) once referred to it as "Amateur Night", the one night of the year that the old man dusts off the leisure suit and drags the battle ax down to the Legion for a few belts, a dance or two, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee on a plastic plate and a lame rendition of Auld Land Syne.

So...once again...the holidays. The word derives from the words Holy and Day.

It is supposed to be a day of quiet reflection and worship.

Ah...the old days...the Stone Age...paganism...purity of purpose.

One can only yearn for the simplicity of days gone by.

And no one would complain if Mom served a Wooly Mammoth or a Sabre-Tooth on the big day.

I hear they're good eatin'...