Rumor has it that if you say something enough times it is accepted as fact.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is 5 feet tall.
President Obama's trip to Indonesia will cost $200,000,000.00 per day.
The Jews killed Jesus.
No matter what fiction you suggest, if it is repeated enough times in the general population, then it is accepted by everyone as a done deal...a fait accompli...
So with that in mind I thought I would like to start a rumor...right here...right now!
A certain politician, who shall remain nameless, who may very well run for the presidency in 2012 and who is a very polarizing figure and who dominates the conversations and writings of the Punditocracy...hates cheese. He/she doesn't like any kind of cheese. Neither Gouda nor Cheddar nor Swiss nor Blue nor American. Unbelieveably, not even American, contrary to popular belief and counterintuitively (great word...no?) since he/she wants to be President...of America!
Now, once this rumor (you heard it here first), this complete and absolute, groundless fabrication, starts to make the rounds, it will, of course, pick up speed, gather momentum and could possibly derail his/her chances at the nomination and, if that doesn't happen, possibly the election victory he/she and his/her supporters so desperately crave.
And this might happen how, you ask, dear reader?
Well, think about it.
Cheese.
It's everywhere.
What's a cheeseburger without the cheese. A hamburger.
What are nachos sin queso? Corn chips.
What are cheese fries absent the cheese part. Potatoes (or potatos...where is Dan Quayle when you need him...?)
What would quattro formaggi be without the quattro formaggi? Just dough I think. And tomato sauce.
And a cheese plate that contained no cheese would just be China...
And a Philly Cheesesteak...and cheese and crackers...and a grilled cheese sandwich...and no more cheesy jokes...and don't get me started about toe cheese or cutting the cheese...don't even go there!
The list goes on and on and you may see where I'm headed.
His/her lack of cheeseability will offend almost everyone. From the Vermont and Wisconsin dairy farmers to the Germans (Limburger), Italians (Assiago, Parmesan), Dutch (Edam, Gouda),
Greeks (Feta), Danes (Havarti) to so many Americans (Cheddar, American, Philadelphia Cream Cheese...what's a bagel and a schmear without the schmear...ergo the Jews and New Yorkers and wannabe New Yorkers...)
No cheese positivity...no voter positivity...get my meaning...?
So...again...I say...
"So and So"...you know who he/she is...HATES CHEESE!
He/she is un-American...and anti-Global...
He/she is bad for the country and bad for our children's future.
But he/she is good for our hearts. He/she promotes a low-cholesterol, fat-free, cheese-free diet.
He/she is into Soy cheese...which will garner him/her, at least, the soybean farmers.
And the hippies, which is a voting bloc anathema to his/her entire political ethos.
That will make for another very interesting election.
Vote for "So and So."
Tofu in every pot (and pot in every tofu...)
Vote The Soy Vey!!!
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So are you saying that he/she is lactose intolerant across the board? Or is he/she only unable to tolerate toe chesse which can lead to a lack of toes? What I'm asking is are you taking his/her position on the sole issue of lack toes interolerance and turning it into a platform of lactose intolerance?? ....which since we know how you feel about shoes, I must clarify, although you may mistake this remark as buttering you up, by saying, has nothing to do with platform shoes.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a heeling way of writing...always laced with wisdom...and sole.
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