Ah, My Sweet...!

Shut up!!

Just stop talking and listen for one minute...would ya pleeeeeeeeez!

What is your favorite candy?

Hands down, mine is (are?) M & Ms.

I know they're not elegant or chic or cosmopolitan. They're not Swiss...(Roger Federer this...! I'm a Nadal man myself))...ooooooooh!

They're just wonderful (the M & Ms...got off track there...sorry.)

After much deliberation (not really...just sounds good...) and much unscientific testing I have concluded that M & Ms are the best overall candy on the planet and I'll tell you why.

Their slogan is that "they will melt in your mouth, not in your hand." Now, while that is partially true, it is not the reason of reasons. The ultimate reason and raison d'etre for the the little pearls is this: they taste great!

No, really, if you're honest, you'll admit to trying all of the others...Baby Ruth, Heath Bar, Skor, Milky Way, Three Musketeers, Snickers, Mounds, Almond Joy and all of the countless other (Kit Kat, Reese's Cup...etc.) commercially available candy bars that tempt you at the drugstore (hmmm...) and/or supermarket.

But M & Ms...c'mon...tell the truth...it's gotta be M & Ms.

First, you get a lot of them. How many...whatever...I don't know...but a lot more than just one.
Each one is its' own candy bar. Then there are the colors. You're lying through your chocolate stained teeth, my friend, if you say, with a straight face, that you have never sorted them by color (always too many red ones for me...but that's just me.) Yeah, right...!

Then there's the flavor. Just plain old milk chocolate...no nuts, no dark chocolate let down or carob assault...no nothin' but chocolate (ok, the peanut ones are terrific...I know...I know.) And the texture. That little crunch (the only thing arguably better than an orgasm or maybe a walk on the beach with your other sweet is a bowl...has to be a bowl because of the sound they make hitting the glass...of frozen or at least cold M & Ms....not one other thing...ok, maybe your kid's face...maybe that.) when you first bite 'em....mmmmmmmmmmm.

And the melting in your mouth thing. There's a bit of truth to that line...especially when, for some reason you do have to hold them...that moment between bag and mouth when the phone rings and the person calling might not understand the lack of intelligible speech coming from you because your mouth is full of candy and your mind is elsewhere. They do stay reasonably hard in your hand...not gooey and subsequently sticky...letting the moment go by without the need to wash your hands immediately so as to not get the goo on anything you may touch in the near future. That's a good deal and positive benefit.

Now I grant you that a Parisian chocolatier or a box of Whitman's (not Brach's...sorry...Whitman's...and not a stupid sampler thank you...a full box to wade through...all at once...with no one else to have to share it with...get your own box!) can definitely compete...or even Andes Candies or...oh my God...I forgot the toffee with the chocolate and the crunched up nuts all over it that you buy by the ounce (pound...who am I kidding) at a chocolate shop in irregular little pieces, like the break up pieces of the pack ice at the south pole...the original Skor...but a gazillion times better... I forgot about those whatever they're called...

Stop...I retract what I said about M & Ms being my favorite. They're...well...now wait a minute...there must be a way to salvage this...ok...I've got it...they are my favorite candy that are multi-colored and small and a bunch in one group...but that excludes the little dots of multi colored joy stuck on a strip of paper that you got when you were a kid and got a little bit of paper in your mouth if you tore the dot off the strip too fast so you could get the dot into your system more quickly...like a junkie and his hit...

Uh, oh...

Gotta go now.

Bye...