New and Improved

I think I speak for most people when I say that advertising is just so much bull.

"New and improved", "As seen on TV", "50% More!"

Almost nothing that is said in modern advertising is really believable.  Products may be literally "new", as in they are in new boxes or have some sort of new packaging but, by and large, they are the same old thing all over again.

And we are treated to smiling faces, snappy jingles and crisp graphics.  And we are wooed by scenes of lives lived with ease and, in some cases, grandeur.

One ad that is especially irksome is the one now airing for Jaguar, the luxury car company.

We hear wind whistling and we see white out conditions.  A man, clad in expedition gear, emerges from the blizzard and trudges toward the camera.  Cut to his destination, a mound of snow. He finds himself in the driver's seat of a car and the camera cuts to a closeup of a button reading "start."  His gloved finger pushes the button and we cut to a long shot of the mound as the snow explodes from it revealing a car, a new Jaguar.

We then see the car driving toward the camera and then cut to a wide shot of the car driving confidently down a snowy road as music swells and the voiceover tells us that this car will be ready for us no matter when or where.

Yay!  We are saved!  We have been walking aimlessly over the tundra seemingly lost to the ages in a desert of frozen nothingness only to be rescued by the durability and worthiness of this sheet metal- shrouded god of automotive genius.

PLEASE!   You have to be kidding me!  Please, tell me that you are joking when you try to sell me on the idea that a multi-thousand dollar luxury vehicle is the one that The National Geographic would give to its' intrepids as they launch off into the wilderness in search of new discovery and world fame.

Ernest Shackleton survived a year on Antarctic ice floes by his own guile and determination not because he had a Rolls Royce to drive around in.

No self respecting explorer would be caught dead (actually they would be caught dead...) trudging through the jungle in a glossy sheet metal 4x4 with a cat as a hood ornament and Michelen radials.

At the very least they would have a Land Rover with solid tires and a winch.  Not a "Range Rover" with a baby seat and childproof window locks.  Not a "Beamer" with heated seats.  Not a "Caddy" that gets 15 highway and 12 city.

The ad has an appeal but damned if I know what it is.  If I wanted to project an image of manliness and fearlessness I'd drive a four wheel drive pickup with a spare gas can and a trailer hitch.  I'd wear jeans and a Leatherman and I'd have my baseball cap on frontwards with a logo from some obscure fishing supply store in the Tierra del Fuego.

I wouldn't drive a Jaguar into a snow bank and then head off to plant the flag on some distant iceberg expecting to come back days later, start the thing and cruise off to the nearest -ced latte bar.

Advertising attempts to sell us stuff we can't afford and don't need based on the premise that we will be cooler for owning it.

Just cold and poor.  In a Jaguar (Jag-you-are...) in a snow bank.  With no cell service.

And definitely no latte.  The iced, yes. Not the latte...