Nostalgia, Part I

I read, today, that Hostess Cakes, the maker of Twinkies, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

That got me to a-thinkin'...

I am old enough to remember Twinkies when they actually tasted good. Then ITT (International Telephone & Telegraph...think about that one...) bought Hostess and Twinkies began to taste somewhat radioactive.

Then they got smaller and that was that.

Hostess Cupcakes were dealt the same fate and Snoballs too.

Life, as we knew it, was over.

Then, of course, came Dan White, the San Francisco Supervisor, convicted of killing Harvey Milk, the gay activist. White used the, so-called, "Twinkie Defense", wherein he suggested that a lifetime of eating junk food, Twinkies included, led him to the irrational act of murder. He went to prison and then later committed suicide. But his legacy included the "Twinkie Defense." Thanks for that.

More bad news for the once beloved treat.

But such is the fate of so much these days.

Remember those little dots on the piece of paper that, no matter how hard you tried, ended up in your mouth with a little bit of the paper still attached? It was a small price to pay.

And the "bottles" of colorful liquid. You bit off the "top" and had a nip of God knows what. But it was good...so good!

And the wax lips.

And on and on.

And the baseball cards affixed to the frame of your bike with a clothes pin. It sounded JUST LIKE A MOTORCYCLE! But only at first until the stiffness of the card gave way to a floppy piece of cardboard (or whatever baseball cards are made of) and then it just sounded cooked spaghetti flapping against your hand at which point you were no longer cool and could no longer impress the 9 year old girl watching you...the nine year old boy.

And that one special night, every year, when The Wizard of Oz was on TV. And, OH MY GOD, if you were lucky enough to have a color television (we were not among that select population...) you screamed when the picture went to color...WOW!! How do I know this, you ask, if I didn't have a color TV? My neighbor did and she told me. And I believed her at the time because she was older than I was...at the time. No telling now. I think I am older than she is...now.

And Slinkies and Silly Putty and your first Hula Hoop?

And those, incredibly fragile, good for only one flight, balsa wood gliders.

Wonderful!

I guess I'm just old now. But I think that the first time The Beatles were on Ed Sullivan, in black and white and on a 10" screen, was one of the greatest events of all recorded time.

Beats the hell out of Jay-Zee, Kanye West and "Watch The Throne." Maybe the white porcelain throne. Maybe that throne. Maybe that one...

At least that's what I think...today.

My grandchildren will probably be saying the same things about their childhood that I am saying about mine.

But "come on people!" (I hate that phrase...especially the way "people" is enunciated in a usually very whiney way, with the accent on the first "P"...PEEpul... as if the nimrod uttering the word has some lock on the info that they have about whatever the subject is and no one else has a clue...which is often not the case, especially among idiots. But that is another post. And, come to think of it...what does that say about me...if I used the phrase in the first place? That is definitely another, on the couch, post. So...please, Dear Reader...substitute the phrase, "Come on people!" with "Come on!" I'm sorry for any confusion and subsequent anxiety that this may have caused you and yours. It's very complicated...)

When was the last time you had ANYTHING as good as the original Twinkie? (Please spare me about profiteroles at that cozy little cafe in Paris. Who do you think you are...Mitt Romney?)

Really...when?

Not recently.

All that stuff is so politically incorrect now that, even when you eat one, you can't enjoy it without some jackass giving you attitude.

"Where the sun don't shine pal."

Where the sun don't shine!