Thursday, August 25, 2011

New York to California: SHUT UP!

When the Northridge Earthquake hit California in 1994 Americans responded. Our brethren were in could we help.

We sent food and medical supplies and people came from the four corners of this vast country to lend a hand at a time of need.

Fortunately nothing major happened the other day when the East Coast experienced a rare earthquake of its' own. What was California's response?

Laughter and ridicule.


It makes you wonder. Are times that bad? Are we that insensitive as a people that when something happens to the "other guy" we laugh and poke fun?

We'd like to think not but it seems so.

But it's always been that way. As a matter of fact it's what causes most of the conflict in the world.

Rick Perry is running for president and therefore we have to be subjected to the "Texas is Better" refrain until he, hopefully, loses, or, if he wins, for from four to eight years...OY!

When Howard Dean ran we heard "Vermont is the Best." Mitt Romney sings two songs at once. Michigan is the Best and so is Massachusetts except for its' healthcare plan which he designed and is great for the Bay State but not for the rest of the country.

Obviously Alaska is King, both in crab production and in Palin production, both teenage and oportunism.

Minnesota was twice blessed as the Best but is now only half as Best because of the loss of Casper Milquetoast, er, um...Tim "Paw" Pawlenty who was the Best until he wasn't and had to cede to Michele "Bach" Bachmann who is now the Best except for the possibility of Rick Perry...which neatly gets us back to Square One.

Each state thinks it's the Best. From New York (which does have the Best city...NYC...really...but only slighter Better than San Francisco and much, much Better than Houston) to North Dakota to Georgia to New Mexico, each state prides itself on its' Betterness.

The Best syrup, the Best team, the Best looking women, the Best burger, the Best weather. Everywhere has the Best of something and because its' got something that is Better than its' counterpart elsewhere, the residents think that, by extension, that one thing means that the rest of the state is the Best as well.

Well, I hate to break the news to ya but, dearie, it ain't.

The Best Maple Syrup does come from Vermont but otherwise Vermont is dull except for the skiing...which is, obviously rivalled by Colorado and Utah which have no beaches (I'm sorry but a beach is at the OCEAN...not at a lake...which is really not water in the recreational sense. Boating happens on the OCEAN. Going in circles happens on a lake...)

The Best pizza is in New York unless you like the deep dish stuff Chicago is famous for, which I don't, and obviously the Yankees are the best team except for the Red Sox and the Cubs and the Giants and the Dodgers and the Braves and the O's...but not the Marlins who have the worst colors in baseball but a better logo than the Angels, which is loathsome, but not as good as the Brewers which is inspired.

Texas has the Best Arrogant Loud Mouths with New York running a very close second but not at all challenged by Kansas which is a very quiet state ("I'm goin' to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come. They got a crazy way of lovin' there and I'm gonna get me some", which would suggest that Kansas might not be as quiet as aforementioned...OOPS...just found out that that Kansas City is in Missouri so forget all of that...sorry...Missouri has the second Best river, after the Mississippi, which is really all that Mississippi is good for even if the river starts in Minnesota, which is disqualified because it already has Michele Bachmann...remember?), with the notable exception of Pastor Fred Phelps who is only threatened by Pastor Terry Jones of Florida thereby putting Florida in the running...

California has too much of the Best to mention here...except for a generosity of spirit which, cleverly, returns us to the point of this post.

We, on the East Coast, experienced an earthquake. It scared the beJesus (should that be capitalized, as in "BeJesus" or "Bejesus"...? Anyone? Bueller?) out of us.

It would have been nice if the the arrogant Left Coasters had shown some EMPATHY and loved us through it. It would have been the nice thing to do.

It would have made us feel Better. We would not have felt so alone.

But what do you expect from a state that produces The High Sierras, Big Sur, San Francisco, The Pacific Coast Highway, Napa Valley, La Jolla and Pamela Anderson?

They think they are the Best. Well they're not!

(Here's the interactive part of this post that you, dear readers, have been clamoring for. Comment with your choice and I'll tally the results and declare a winner at some future date, to be announced sometime in the future, on some the future.)

The Best state in the Union is...

Friday, August 19, 2011

What if...?

Here's the deal.

We have the right to vote in these United least most of us do.


A VERY small percentage of eligible voters actually make our decisions.

We have a two party system with an occasional third just for laughs.

A relatively few Democrats get together at their convention and nominate someone to represent them.

The Republicans do the same.

Then we are left to decide between the two...with a glance at the third party person who most of us reject on the premise that "he/she'll never win so why should I throw my vote away or, by voting for him/her, tip the election to the scumbag I really hate and would never vote for even with a gun to my head..."


If we want Obama to be relected then we should all join the Republican Party, become delegates and go to their convention next summer.

We could be Trojan Horses. We could enter a real idiot into the pool of nominees and lobby for votes and have that ninnie be the standard bearer of the GOP.

That way Obama would be guaranteed the election.

Or vice versa. We could join the Democrats and go to their convention and help draft Hillary or Michael or Michael or Sean and thereby guarantee that the Right Wing base would be so energized against that candidate that they would get out the vote for the GOP.

We have the power. The hell with working within our usual party of choice.

Let's join the opposition and get 'em from within...!

Sheep in wolf's clothing kind of thing ...get it?

They'll never know what hit 'em.


What if it backfires and we help get a Hyper-Conservative nincompoop elected or a Left Wing Extremist?

As Gilda Radner famously said,

"Never mind...!"

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Never Say Di

August 31st will be the 14th anniversary of Princess Diana's death.

September 5th will be the 14th anniversary of Mother Teresa's death.

More on that later.

I may offend some people with this next statement but here goes anyway.

I am sick and tired of hearing about Princess Diana.

She was a marginally attractive, average young girl who married an average prince and, unfortunately, didn't live anywhere close to happily ever after.

When we think of inbreeding we think of the banjo playing boy in the film Deliverance.

We don't think of royalty. But that's who they are. The royals are people who are descended from people who are all related to one another in some way.

These are not, as they say, the sharpest tools in the shed.

Hundreds of years ago some guy was the strongest in the area and could kill anything, man or beast, with his bare hands. The locals would usually make this guy king and then he would run the show.

He did what he wanted mostly because he could. Who was going to stop him?

Kings owned everything. All the land, all the resources, all the gold and, essentially, all the people.

They were his "subjects." They obeyed his commands or they 1) lost their heads, 2) spent eternity in a dungeon, 3) paid the king a lot of money or 4) lost their heads.

Now kings and queens are nothing but figureheads who have a lot of ceremonial duties and a hell of a lot of money.

But they are also the wealthiest group of welfare recipients on the planet. Their countries pony up millions to keep them in furs and diamonds. And all of this is to pay homage to some antiquated sense of pride, the original source of which died off ages ago.

And they are all such pitifully average people. And they really do nothing to contribute to their individual societies. They play polo or golf or go on vacation to palaces. They have yachts and servants and chauffers.

But what else to they do?

Not much really.

Now, Princess Diana was a perfectly lovely young girl. She was a schoolteacher and seemed sweet enough. Too bad she married an older man who was not ever in love with her. He proved that when, not long after her death, he married his true love, with whom he lives very happily today.

She bore two average sons and carried on an affair with another average man of wealth, with whom she died in that crash in Paris.

I am sorry she died. I'm sorry for her and her family. But as far as I am concerned she was no greater than the thousands of young women who die each year in car crashes and from disease and domestic abuse and drug overdoses.

This is where Mother Teresa comes in. I find it ironic that less than a week after Princess Diana died, one of the greatest women in history also died.

Diana's death eclipsed any coverage of Mother Teresa's passing.

Mother Teresa was a truly inspiring person. She devoted her life to God and to the service of mankind. She tended to the poorest of the poor and the sickest and weakest among us.

She was as close to a living saint as you can get. She will probably become a real saint in the near future. No one has ever deserved it more.

But, as I drove along the highway the other day I saw a billboard which prompted this post.

There will be a Princess Diana celebration in September at one of the casinos nearby.

Let me say that again for emphasis and maximum effect.

There will be a Princess Diana celebration in September at one of the casinos nearby.

It's almost too hard to believe that one.

So, I am sick of hearing about Princess Diana. She contributed practically nothing to humanity, unless you count the millions she's earned in royalties for her estate (and the impossible dreams she created for millions of little girls...) At least Elvis and the other Princess, Grace, really did something to warrant the adulation and subsequent windfall in merchandising.

Princess Diana has been beatified simply because she was a princess (and, incidentally, worked to remove mines from former war zones...admirable but hardly worth a spot in the Guinness Book. After all, most celebrities have causes to help justify their millions.)

So on August 31st stop a moment and say a little prayer. Say it for Diana but, this time, say one for Teresa too.

If your lucky, Teresa will be listening.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Don't Forget The Facts


I have created a Facebook page entitled "Don't Forget The Facts."

It is a page designed to remind the reader exactly who is responsible for the mess the country is in right now.

The Republicans, during the upcoming presidential campaign, will attempt to persuade the American people that Barack Obama is responsible for the Wall Street crisis, high umemployment, economic degradation, war and a host of other troubles facing us as a nation. It's all his fault.

The Facebook page is devoted to the fact that the problems we face were caused, in large part, by George W. Bush and the Republicans in Congress.

Three simple facts:

1) In 2000 the average price of gasoline, nationwide, was $1.65

Now it's $3.65

2) Unemployment was at 4.2%

Now it's at 9.1%

3) We were at peace.

While it may be true that Obama is responsible for some part of what's happening it is more true that he has been trying to clean up after 8 years of recklessness by the Republicans in Congress and a Republican administration.

The Wall Street "Meltdown" occurred on Bush's watch and it was his Treasury Secretary, Henry Paulson, who provided us with TARP. And Bush's father had it right when he labeled Reagan's policy of "trickle down" as "Voodoo Economics." Too bad his son was more concerned with one-upping his father than with the economic welfare of the nation.

The Wars in Afgahnistan and Iraq were begun by George Bush, the former with some justification because of 9-11, the latter under dubious conditions. Bush's father had it right, again, when he stopped just short of Baghdad. Again, too bad that W. needed to prove something to "The Old Man" at the expense of our children soldier's lives.

And keep in mind that for the past three years the Republican leadership, as well as a majority of the rank and file, have done everything they could to get in Obama's way, never offering solutions only putting up roadblocks.

The Republicans have shown a naked concern for political gain and an obsessive drive to take control of both Congress and now The White House. They seem more concerned with taking power away from Obama and the Democrats then they do with the everyday concerns of average American citizens.

So, please go to "Don't Forget The Facts" on Facebook and "Like" it of you agree...and pass along the information.

Don't let the Republican Party or the Tea Party hoodwink you into thinking, even for a moment, that Obama is the sole cause of the problems that we face.

He's not. The Republicans created these problems with their cries for "No Taxes","No Regulations" and Nation Building in pursuit of oil. And now they are trying to pin the results on Obama.

Not fair, not true and NOT OKAY!

Don't let them get away with it...again...

Learn and remember the truth of the recent past and then decide.

And one more thing while I'm at it and all riled up...!

When they label Obama a Socialist ask them if they like knowing that when they call 911 someone shows up...and fast! If that's Socialism then I, for one, am all for it!

The Republicans Are Better

The sad fact is that the Republican Party has the better idea. Not ideas, mind you, but "idea."

They, as a group, have got more of "it."

It's a Darwinian thing, survival of the fittest. Morality and fairness have nothing to do with it. It's not relevant, really, how they got their stuff...the money, power and material things.

The point is that they got it...all.

You think that we can change things by voting for people like Barack Obama?

Well think again. Number one, he's Black. Number two he's a Democrat from Chicago. Number three he is an educated, Progressive thinker. Number four, he's Black.

The reason Obama is President is because McCain blew it and because Bush was such a failure. He was a failure in public relations terms not in terms of what he accomplished for...the Republicans.

Obama may have inherited the mess we are in from Bush but the real winners were, and are, the billionaires that were created out of nearly ten years of war and the Wall Street "meltdown."

There may be a recession in the world today but the Republicans are not feeling it.

Mitt Romney referred to corporations as people. His point was that the beneficiaries of corporate success are the stockholders, whomever they may be. But he betrayed a core Republican belief. Corporations are run by millionaires and benefit those who know how to play the financial game. He should know. He's one of them.

Republicans have simply mastered the art of "getting" and, more importantly, keeping.

They get and keep by any means necessary. They elect an actor and then beatify him and enshrine an economic theory that has never held water...

They elect a class clown simply to put a plan in motion that channels money to the wealthy.

They allow Congress to deregulate business and then watch as business does what it does best...keep it's money.

The sad Democrats just don't seem to "get it." They are idealistic. "Change We Can Believe In!"


The rich do keep getting richer and there is nothing we can do about it.

The Republicans play dirty pool, whether in business or in politics and the Democrats just can't seem to play that game. They can't catch up.

Ultimately we are jealous. We all want the big house(s) and the fancy cars and the jewelry and the trophy wives. We envy the Country Club set because so many of us are not in it and never will be. What do you think fuels the Lottery? Dreams of creating an orphanage or a food bank or finding the cure for AIDS?

Hell no! It's dreams of yachts and island getaways and Ferraris and garbage bags full of cash.

Face it, The Republicans are just better at getting to and staying on top. They may occasionally lose an election but we all know by now that the Presidency is a sham, just for show.

The President has no real power. He simply does the bidding of his benefactors who pander to his ego while heaping cash on his campaign. And that cash is not for civic or humanitarian purposes. It's to buy influence. It's used to sway the decisions in their favor so they can get guessed

So I think this time I may vote Republican. I'm rooting for Bachmann. Why not. A woman. Reasonably attractive. Perky. Full of sass.

President Bachmann will preside over the eventual downfall of the Republic and it will be lovely to have a woman at the helm to ease the pain as only women can do. She'll most likely issue government milk and cookies. But not chocolate chip. Chocolate is too expensive and we'll be trying to balance the budget while going down for the third time.

Meanwhile the ones with all of the money will be watching from their palatial hideaways plotting their next move.

The rich. The powerful. The Republicans.

Oh, by the way, I previously said there was "nothing we could do about it."

Well in that regard history is our best guide. It's happened before and hopefully won't need to happen again.

I have two words for you, dear reader.

"Marie Antoinette."

Au revoir.