Saturday, May 23, 2009

Hold the Anchovies...

So here's a question for ya...if our prisons aren't good enough to house prisoners from Guantanamo then...are they good enough to house the murderers, rapists and former corporate CEOs in them now?

We go on and on about the unconcionable way in which we have incarcerated hundreds of, so-called, "enemy combatants" and when the Administration decides to, finally, close the prison, we don't want to bring the prisoners here.

Their home countries don't want them and we don't think our prison system is robust enough to do the job.

Senator Nimby and Congressman Vascillator have whined and now President Obama has granted their, they really don't want the favor...!

You have got to be kidding me...

But the situation really lacks the kind of humor Congress usually deserves. We seem to be governed by a bunch of spineless political and social climbers concerned with only one thing...power and money and being reelected (ok, three things.)

No courage heroes where, once, that's all we had...Revere, Paine, Hawthorne, Henry, Washington, Jefferson, Franklin...DC is simply a place where gasbags pontificate and deliver almost nothing.

Close Guantanamo...uphold the rule of law...renounce torture... Spike Lee, famously, said...

"Do the Right Thing."

Or, just get a slice at Sal's Famous and shut up...!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Keeping Abreast of the Situation

Let's talk cleavage.

Not your garden variety, everyday, ordinary cleavage. Let's talk the gold standard.

The quality of cleavage in Cannes is astounding. Young, old, fat, thin, black, white, French, German, Spanish, is the United Nations of cleavage here.

And the beautiful 80° weather supports a full on presentation of goods. This is NOT a film festival...this is a cleavage fesitval!

The 62nd annual Cannes Cleavage Festival with entries from all over the world. Who will get the Palm Door...?

Well, the answer to that question is...only someone with a boatload (the yachts are obscene...but would not be so characterized if I had one...) of disposable income at their disposal...

Princes in their Mercedes motorcades, playboys in their Ferraris, retired CEOs in their huge Audi SUVs...those are the guys with access to the cleavage. They paid (or inherited...or stole...) their dues and so now they get to promenade in Le Croisette with a pair on each arm... actually not on each arm because the amount of silicone keeps our friends aloft even without the benefit of a gentle Mediterranean breeze.

So...come one, come all (no pun intended.)

Visit Cannes...

But is not for the faint of heart. The scenery is blinding.

And we ain't talkin' palm trees here Pal...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's a Shoe In...

What is it with women's shoes?

Please, will someone tell me?

Here in beautiful Cannes there is an abundance of glamour, maybe even too much. Crowds of people waiting to see Leonardo or Quentin or Emile. Jugglers, mimes, accordionists, photographers, princes and giggolos.

And marginally attractive women in ridiculous shoes.

Now, I'm not stuffy nor prudish and I think I have a reasonable grasp of fashion...I recently threw out my sky blue leisure suit with complimentary Paisley shirt and white there! But I have no clue as to the reason why seemingly intelligent (hmmm...a theme emerges...) women would get into these monstrous contraptions.

First, they do not really accentuate the calf...maybe a little and more so with a subtle heel of say, two to three inches...and the woman wearing them walks in such an awkward way so as to look clownish at best.

The heels are microscopic and the amount of sole that makes contact with Mother Earth is about the size of a special edition postage stamp memorializing Iwo Jima.

Is is to make the women taller? Is it to make them seem more "in the know?" Is it to make a statement of hipness and/or affluence?

God knows...but it seems absurd to me. After a night in these things the ball of the foot has got to hurt...the calf has got to burn and the exhaustion from having to try to stay aloft for hours on end must be akin to "enhanced interrogation" at the Hotel Guantanamo...

I propose we outlaw shoes that resemble skateboard jumps and replace them with flats or at least shoes with real heels and real soles.

Let's give the gals a break. Let's "man up" and collectively say that we like our women on solid ground, comfortable and secure.

I challenge any man or shoe designer to spend a night in these shoes.

There would be an instantaneous change of attitude and Northern Italy would disappear.

Whoops...check the above...bring on the shoes...bring on the heels...bring on the 60° angles...

We can't lose Northern Italy...we must preserve civilization.

Forget everything I said.

The shoes are beautiful and no, your ass doesn't look big in that a dress or a shirt?...uh oh...sorry (don't get me started...)...

Move over've got company tonight...SHOO!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sarah Palin for President!

Let me say, right off, that I don’t like Sarah Palin. Let me also say that I don’t know her personally. I saw her from the booth at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul last summer but that’s as close as I’ve been. I would probably amend my feelings if I actually met her because, after all, she is rather pretty.

Now, having said all of that, I think we should promote her for the presidency in 2012. With, maybe Rush Limbaugh as VP. Or Arlen Specter as a surprise bi-partisan choice.

Sarah Palin stands for everything that the right wing of the Republican Party is all about.

Gun rights. Life. Abstinence. Small government. Individual rights. Being white.

Her daughter recently took a “job” as the spokesperson for an anti-teen-pregnancy (emphasis on the “anti-teen” part) outfit. A perfect fit.

But back to her mother for a minute. The critics are weighing in on Barack Obama’s performance after his first 100 days. He’s gotten mixed reviews. Some think he’s a fraud and others think he is The Messiah. I’m on the fence.

But the absolutely best, almost bulletproof, slam dunk way to get him reelected in 2012 is to put someone up on the Republican ticket like Gov. Palin.

She has a base and name recognition. She has already been tested by the fire of a presidential contest. She has the clothes.

She also represents a philosophy that is dying. The philosophy of exclusion, ignorance and greed.

Now, to be totally clear, there are some outstanding Republicans in our midst. Orrin Hatch is great and so are Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe. And bright minds like William Kristol and David Brooks continue to make us stop and think.

But the overarching dogma screeched by Hannity, Limbaugh and Steele (sounds like a personal injury law firm…”The next time you’re in an accident call the specialists at Hannity, Limbaugh and Steele…they get you MONEY!!”) is negative and self-destructive.

The American people have rejected the dirty politics of Karl Rove (The “K” is what makes the difference…if it were a “C” we’d feel better) and have, instead, endorsed the open, ethical and intelligent personality of the Obama administration. They may be stumbling but who wouldn’t given the unbelievable mess they inherited from…the Republicans!

So Palin / Limbaugh in ’12! That is the best way to reelect President Obama. And think of the moose that will be saved. And the squirrels. And the minks.

The mind boggles…

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Now I don't want to seem hostile or unsympathetic. I am a civil libertarian at heart and certainly believe in the individual's right to self-expression. Furthermore I think that the government spends too much time telling me what to do and how to do and out of the bedroom.

But I have to draw the line.

It is spring now and soon it will, hopefully, be summer (unless we all perish from either the flu, shame at wearing those silly masks or self-induced madness at adopting the OCD behavior of incessant hand washing. What if I meet the it bad form not to kiss his ring...?)

With the lovely months comes the inevitable motorcycle.

"Motorcycles are Everywhere" goes the bumper sticker. Whoopie!!

And that's the problem. Not the occasional Honda or Kawasaki or the trendy Vespa.


The Harley Davidson. The Harley. The Chopper. The Hog.

Who declared that this motorcycle has to sound like the Third Armored Division on manoeuvers?

Damn they can be loud.

To be fair (I don't really feel like being fair, but in the interest of fairness I'll pretend...), not all Harleys are loud. Only some of them.

And those are LOUD!!

Too loud if you ask me (which you didn't but this is my get your own.)

I'm sitting at a table at an outside cafe enjoying the company I am keeping. Interesting conversation. Good tea. Gentle breeze. Love is in the air.

And then...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here they come...not one, although it is sometimes only one that seems like many...but five or ten or twenty.

Road Trip!! Rally!! Yippee! Yahoo!! SHUT UP!!

One day I'm going to drive down the road with a loud speaker system strapped to my car and blast Wagner (not the Mayor silly...the composer...) at 100 2am...for an hour...!

Take that you leather wearing, Fu Manchu mustache sporting, chain-driven wallet owning, insurance salesmen Harley riders...and your large-breasted, leather vest only wearing, iPod listening sissy bar holding-on-to babes...!

And all of you Hells Angels...!

What noise...?

Who said anything about noise?

Have a nice day...

Friday, May 1, 2009

I am Curious...Hello?

I was wondering, what ever happened to:

Hurricane Katrina victims.
Charlie Rangel's real estate issues.
Ed McMahon's real estate issues.
George W. Bush's Air National Guard record.
Dan Rather.
Elliot Spitzer.
Elliot Gould.
George Elliot.
Leona Helmsley's dog.
Burt Reynolds.
Debbie Reynolds.
Reynolds Aluminum.
Ahmed Chalabi.
John Poindexter.
Oliver North.
Oliver Stone.
Tom Carvel.
Alberto Gonzales.
Elian Gonzales.
Speedy Gonzales.
Fuller Brush.
The submarines that came in cereal boxes that you put baking soda in and they did something cool (I don't remember what, exactly...)

Just wondering...