It's a Shoe In...

What is it with women's shoes?

Please, will someone tell me?

Here in beautiful Cannes there is an abundance of glamour, maybe even too much. Crowds of people waiting to see Leonardo or Quentin or Emile. Jugglers, mimes, accordionists, photographers, princes and giggolos.

And marginally attractive women in ridiculous shoes.

Now, I'm not stuffy nor prudish and I think I have a reasonable grasp of fashion...I recently threw out my sky blue leisure suit with complimentary Paisley shirt and white shoes...so there! But I have no clue as to the reason why seemingly intelligent (hmmm...a theme emerges...) women would get into these monstrous contraptions.

First, they do not really accentuate the calf...maybe a little and more so with a subtle heel of say, two to three inches...and the woman wearing them walks in such an awkward way so as to look clownish at best.

The heels are microscopic and the amount of sole that makes contact with Mother Earth is about the size of a special edition postage stamp memorializing Iwo Jima.

Is is to make the women taller? Is it to make them seem more "in the know?" Is it to make a statement of hipness and/or affluence?

God knows...but it seems absurd to me. After a night in these things the ball of the foot has got to hurt...the calf has got to burn and the exhaustion from having to try to stay aloft for hours on end must be akin to "enhanced interrogation" at the Hotel Guantanamo...

I propose we outlaw shoes that resemble skateboard jumps and replace them with flats or at least shoes with real heels and real soles.

Let's give the gals a break. Let's "man up" and collectively say that we like our women on solid ground, comfortable and secure.

I challenge any man or shoe designer to spend a night in these shoes.

There would be an instantaneous change of attitude and Northern Italy would disappear.

Whoops...check the above...bring on the shoes...bring on the heels...bring on the 60° angles...

We can't lose Northern Italy...we must preserve civilization.

Forget everything I said.

The shoes are beautiful and no, your ass doesn't look big in that...is that a dress or a shirt?...uh oh...sorry (don't get me started...)...

Move over Fido...you've got company tonight...SHOO!!