Nimby Pimby

Not in my back yard. NIMBY. You know...those people who rail against, for instance, Walmart being located in their town, but have no problem patronizing it when it is located in the town next door.

This attitude is pervasive. What's isn't good for me is fine for you.

Wind Farms? No problem...great solution to the energy crisis we're in but don't even think of putting them where they may mar my view.

Disposal of nuclear waste? A much needed part of the effective use of nuclear energy. But don't bring it here! Don't even run the trains carrying it through my town. Put it over there and figure out another way of getting it there. OK?

Need more prisons? You betcha especially with foreclosures and high unemployment driving people to commit crimes. But if you dare build it in my town I'll just move depriving you of much needed tax revenue and the quality of life in this town will tank. Don't think I won't do it Bub. Just watch me!!

All over the place people live as if they are the only people on the planet. We purport to be a generous society one that cares for it's members, especially the downtrodden and helpless.

But from a distance and almost never face-to-face really. Sure there is the occcasional Good Samaritan...the rare person who will give you the parking space when you really arrived a few seconds after he did.

We love our kids and our folks and our family and our friends but the operative word in that sequence is "our." Not "your" too. Only mine. It's mine...all mine and you can't have any...as a matter of fact you can go to hell my friend.

What would it be like if we thought of the other guy as our brother, our family?

Would we then subject him to the abuses of society? Would we put the landfill in his backyard? Would we put the prison next to his kid's school? Would we pave over the farmland in his community and erect a big box store?

Or would we say "Wait a minute. Wait just a God damned minute here!"

Would we endeavor to find an equitable solution to our problem, whatever it was?
Would we take our neighbors into consideration when we made a decision that might have a negative effect on the quality of their lives?

I think we might.

I think we might not push legislation that could hurt the vast majority of the population simply because it will benefit some fat cat donors.

I think we might not manufacture products that could hurt the consumers that bought them.

I think we might not say some of the things that we say...about the people with whom we disagree.

I think we would be more loving and caring and sensitive.

I think if the Chairman of Smith and Wesson thought about the fact that his product has only one real application, which is to kill people, and that one of those people
could be his daughter, he might think twice about what he makes. He might choose not to make it. He might quit.

For example.

Now what are we to make of this? I suppose that one could say that we are doomed as a society. That we are through.

But maybe we'll pull it out at the last minute. Maybe we'll stop just short of the edge before we go over.

Stranger things have happened.

"It's the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded. The score is 5 to 2. It's a full count. The pitcher goes into his windup and delivers. CRACK! It's a high fly ball to left. It's going, going,................."

Beaver!

There is almost nothing that ticks me off more than following someone who doesn't use their directional signal when making a turn.

Jesus H. Christ! (What does the "H" stand for? Harry? Herman? Herve?)

How friggin' hard can that be? Just push the lever. Up for a right...down for a left. Period!

No classes needed here. No tutorial. No advanced degree.

Just a little move of the wrist. The lever is right there. They designed it that way. On purpose. Can you believe it? On purpose. To be conveniently located for ease of use.

It's not in the back seat where you would have to turn around, take your eyes off the road and contort your body to reach and then use it.

Nor is it in the trunk where you would have to stop the car, get out, maybe even turn off the engine so you could take the keys to open the trunk to access the lever unless you had the kind of car with a lever inside to open the trunk or a key fob with a button for that purpose, in which case you could leave the engine running but not for more than 60 seconds at which point you would be using more fuel than if you had shut the engine off (how about that for a run-on sentence...?)

No...the lever is attached to the steering column...it's usually on the left...I suppose because most of us are right-handed...which only makes sense within the context of keeping your dominant hand on the wheel while you make the incredibly difficult maneuver of operating the directional signal with your, normally, weaker left hand, unless of course you are left handed which affords you even less of an excuse for not using the damned thing.

COME ON! What's the problem? Are you so distracted with (pick one...) 1) your coffee, 2) your cell phone, 3) your Blackberry (iPhone, Droid, iPad, laptop, iPod), 4) paperwork from your job, 5)the latest bestseller, 6)enjoying your girlfriend,
7) putting on your makeup, 8) food (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack...fried chicken is the worst because it is messy and makes your hands greasy and you inevitably get some of that grease on your shirt and now you've got a stain that you can't hide as you are about to go into that, all important, meeting or meet that new person from the Internet or the referral from your soon to be, former friend...or a Gyro is messy too...in the car...or a Philly Cheesesteak from Pat's...not Geno's...never Geno's? (why the question mark there? Because the entire preceding sentence began as a question. Let's review..."Are you so distracted with..." That's a question, hence the question mark as appropriate punctuation. OK!?)

So...can someone please tell me why we can't all use our directional signal, affectionately known as a "blinker", before making a turn?

Can someone explain that to me?

Or is it indicative of a larger problem in society? The problem, affectionately known as SYS.

SYS.

Screw You Syndrome.

SYS.

There must be a pill for that.

That's a peeve of mine. I am going to produce a TV show called "Leave it to Peever" in which the protagonist is always doing stuff that pisses other people off and has to endure the taunts and jeers everytime he (yes..it's a he...women are guilty here too but I don't want to get into that much trouble) goes out in public.

"Hey there's the Peever! Hey Peever...how come you didn't turn on your blinker?"

or

"Hey Peeve...why didn't you put the toilet seat back down...or lift it up before you peed because now it's wet and/or my butt is wet because I sat down on the toilet BOWL instead of the seat because you were so insensitive?"

or

"Yo...Peevie, my man. You ate the last cookie.
You are one selfish MF SOB...!"

Must see TV...no?

Too Funny

Ok...enough politics for a while. Enough ranting.

Let's talk baseball! But before we do that let's talk memories.

Let's talk Moose and Squirrel.

There has been a fair amount of much deserved press over the past couple of days concerning the death of Alex Anderson, the original creator of the Rocky and Bullwinkle characters.

I am on record here and anywhere that records are kept that, as far as I am concerned, in my, not-so-humble, opinion, and according to me, and only to me...Rocky and Bullwinkle is in the top 10 of any TV show ever produced.

I know...I know...I Love Lucy...The Honeymooners...The Sopranos.But come on...Bullwinkle...Rocky...Whassamatta U...Peabody & Sherman...Boris and Natasha?? Are you kidding? Simply and utterly one of the BEST!!

When I was younger ("so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in anyway..."...sorry...had to go there...couldn't "help" myself...) I couldn't wait to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle.

I loved everything about it. The stories, the voices, the music, the characters.
It was the highlight of my week. To hell with Bonanza or 77 Sunset Strip or even The Ed Sullivan Show (my parents were devotees of The Lawrence Welk Show so I was forced to watch...it was either Myron Floren and Bobby Burgess or nothing...or worse...bedtime!)

It was Rocket J. Squirrel for me!

And the humor! It has been said that it was over the heads of the kids that watched...like Spongebob or Ren & Stimpy or Family Guy.

But I'm here to tell you that I got it. Not because I'm so smart but because it was funny and somehow appealed to both me and my parents.

And topical. Boris and Natasha and Fearless Leader...all at a time when we had real fears about Russia and the Bomb. To this day, whenever a TV show is interrupted with a breaking news story (referred to in my childhood as a "Bulletin") I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is it...that "this is the big one Elizabeth...!"

But it wouldn't have mattered that much as long as I had Rocky and Bullwinkle and the gang.

They were wonderful. I miss them. I now know who invented them and, while it is sad that he has died, I am grateful to Alex Anderson for having been creative enough to imagine Rocky and his friends and to put them onto paper. Without that burst of creative genius my childhood would have been a bit drearier, a bit darker...a bit less fun.

"Hey Rocky...watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

"Again...?"

Would that Rocky and Bullwinkle were on TV...again. Not on Cartoon Network. Not on Nickelodeon. Not on Youtube.

On TV. Every week. Brand New. More fun.

Would that a lot of things were here...again.

Would that they were...



Oh...sorry...The Rangers. I think the Rangers will win The World Series. They want it more. There...enough baseball for you...?

Right Cross

Correct me if I'm wrong here but it does seem as though political violence seems to go from right to left.

Abortion clinics are bombed by right wing lunatics. Churches that are pro-life are NOT burned by pro-choice activists.

Some gun owners will shoot you if you look at them cross-eyed. Pro gun-registration lobbyists don't mow you down if you are a member of the NRA (or the NHRA for that matter...The National Hot Rod Association, of which I am not a member)

Tea Party Storm Troopers who don't like your political position will stomp on your head at a political debate (...Rand Paul supporter...Kentucky...yesterday...) You don't see Democrats punching warty-nosed witches in the nose for masturbating near a school full of Hispanic-Asian Nazi Cross Dressers now do ya...PUNK?!

Conservative loudmouths plan to use surveillance at polling booths on November 2nd to catch allegedly fraudulent voters...by asking them to prove they are eligible. When was the last time a Liberal asked a voter to "birth certificate up?" Uhh...NEVER!

But this is the America we live in today. Violence on the right. Violence in the Tea Party which purports to want to "take the country back." Violence everywhere.

From whom, exactly? The non-violent protestors on the Left? The Peace Corps?? Mother Theresa's Missionaries of Charity???

Not a chance in Hell. It all seems to come from the right hand side of the socio-political spectrum.

And violence seems to be the order of the day. Two wars. The NFL. Cyber-Bullying. Linda McMahon's treasured WWE.

Don't like his point of view? Hit him in the head.

Don't agree with her position? Punch her in the jaw.

Don't think their solution will work? BLOW 'EM UP!!!

What the rabble-rousers don't seem to appreciate is that they have created a, sort of, Frankenstein's Monster. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove, Roger Ailes, Michele Bachmann, Sharron Angle, Rand Paul, Christine O'Donnell, Carl Paladino...all of them, and many more, spew hatred and vitriol day after day and this is what we've got as a result.

Obama campaigned on change. Ok...he hasn't delivered enough of it fast enough for the Twitter generation and those with the attention span of a gnat and the patience of a child.

His bad (and ours for being so GD impatient and amnesic.)

Ok. Agreed. We're disappointed. Got it.

But violence? Not the way to go Old Friend, Old Pal (...paraphrasing Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life"...which it is...or could be...if we would only let it...)

Unclench your fist. "Love Thy Neighbor."

If you don't, then soon there won't be any neighbors left (or right...)...only people on the other side of the fence with a Howitzer pointed at your head.

"That's Entertainment!"

You know that song...right? Now imagine it playing in the background as you read this.

But first, a word from our sponsor...

You can put diamond studded hubcaps or gold pinstriping on a jalopy all day long but it won't prevent it from being a clunker and breaking down on the way to the store.

If the political situation in this country is so dysfunctional and we are doomed anyway, we might as well have some fun on the way down. No?

So I propose that we look at our current candidates in that light...as entertainment.

Christine O'Donnell. What a funny lady. Really...witches, masturbation (no laughing matter if you're single, mind you...), etc. She's so funny. She upstaged Bill Maher...not an easy thing to do as he is one of the funniest people in the business.

And, Holy Cow...Carl Paladino. He is central casting. Can't you just see him in an episode of the Honeymooners where Ralph schemes to take over City Hall by dressing like a politician and promising a meatloaf (presumably made by Alice) to every voter. Paladino is his rival who promises a baseball bat to the first hundred people who vote for him. In walks Norton who wants to be the Commissioner of DPW and we're off to the races...the fun would be too much to handle. Mayor Paladino...or Mayor Kramden. You choose!!

Sharron Angle! Too much to take...I can't catch my breath! Asians! Please...stop! You're killing me! Please...I can't take anymore. Sharron!! I'm not kidding. Lay off. Not me from my job...just with the highjinks. I'm on the floor!!

And Lady Sarah. You absolutely slay me. You are sooooooo pretty, much prettier than Ann Coulter, and would be fun to date, maybe, like W would have been fun to have a beer with. And I love your monologues. You make me laugh but you also make me think. You are sort of like Mort Sahl or George Carlin. Very funny but also very politically saavy. What you don't know ain't worth knowin' (emphasis on "ain't" and "knowin'" ...without the "g") I hope you run for President. That will be four years of nonstop, madcap, hysterics...or hysteria...an unbelieveable run...sort of like Seinfeld but without the Upper West Side Jewish slant. More of an Alaskan, "lost in the wilderness" kind of thing. And the clothes will be great...plaid shirts and hunting vests...but designed by Dior for the city girl...wonderful!

And let's not forget Mr. Iott of Ohio. He could reinvent Sgt. Schultz from Hogan's Heroes. He could wear his uniform when he is proposing legislation and we could all watch him on C-Span. Now that Hogan's Heros is in reruns, we could get our fix of Nazi humor on a daily basis...maybe even on our Smartphone. He would bring totally new meaning to the wonderful phrase, "I now NOTHING!"

And Linda McMahon would be the only politician in Washington who would not be lying when she says she's "wrestling" with a decision. Wow...finally...honesty in politics!You sexy bitch you...

So...vote comedy! We will all need a very good sense of humor once the election is over.

You can bet your Tea Party on that one!

Son of a B*&%#!

Ok...

Please read Frank Rich in today's New York Times...on the Opinion Page...

"What Happened to Change We Can Believe In?"

Published: October 23, 2010

It is an incredible article about the corruption on Wall Street and the enabling of that corruption by the Obama White House.

I wrote, in an earlier post, about the lack of investigations that have come out of this White House. I wrote about how surprising it is that, after all of the allegations of malfeasance that were leveled during the Bush/Cheney administration, there have been no commissions, no investigations, no trials and certainly no convictions.

Maybe none of the allegations would turn out to be true. Maybe they would all be found to be false.

In this country we are presumed to be innocent when charged with a crime. We are only guilty if we are convicted by a jury of our peers.

The unfortunate truth, grounded in human nature, is that once someone has been accused of something they can never redeem their reputation, never have their good name back.
Richard Jewell anyone...?

But not insofar as these allegations go. Not with these people. Not in this case.

So all we have are allegations of wrongdoing. We have Prosecutorgate and Abu Ghraib and Blackwater and WMD and the subprime bubble burst and AIG. We have charges being made but never being brought.

Holder is silent. Obama is mute. Waxman is MIA.

And after you read the abovementioned article you will probably want to scream. And if you don't, go and read Maureen Dowd, also on today's Times Op-Ed page. Her column about the Thomas-Hill affair will leave you speechless.

Where's the outrage? Where are the demonstrations? Where is the Populist rage?

All co-opted by Sarah Palin and the Tea Party in the name of "change."

Change. Where have we heard that before? Oh, I remember now...2008.

The place? Denver.

The event? The Democratic National Convention.

The speaker? Barack Obama.

"Change"

I believed him. My little daughter believed him. He brought my wife to tears.

Now we're all crying.

"It ain't over 'til, 1) The Fat Lady sings, 2) 'til it's over, 3) the people who are in charge say it's over."

The people who are in charge will not say "it's over" until they have stolen every last cent from the Treasury, every last cent from every citizen, every last acre of land and every last ounce of dignity we have.

Well guess what my dear reader.

It's over.

Darwin Was Wrong

The basic principle of Darwin's Theory of Evolution states that the strongest member of a society, the so-called "fittest" will be the one who will outlast his peers or "survive", as the saying goes.

What seems to be happening in modern society is the opposite. The weakest among us are the ones who are winning the race. We have jettisoned intellectual curiosity in favor of mindlessly following rules created by a select few. Maybe those few could be construed as the fittest but it seems to me that the rules they play by have changed and are substantially different from those of Darwin's time.

It is no longer the one with the better idea or the one who works the hardest. It is now the one who can game the system or manipulate his neighbor or just plain cheat the best who wins the game.

Someone tells a patent lie and we believe him. Someone endorses another or a product and we tag along. Someone defames another and we say, "where there's smoke, there's fire."

We don't investigate nor do we question. It is ludicrous that an athlete or a performer is paid millions to lend his/her name and/or face to a product or a cause and, simply because that person is adept at their sport or has created a wonderful character, we follow their recommendation.

We make them authorities on washing machines or cars or global warming or what qualifies a candidate to represent us in government...never mind making them our representatives (Murphy, Reagan, Eastwood, Ventura, Franken...and maybe that other comedienne, O'Donnell.)

We shun the advice of those who have studied or have actually written "the book." Instead we are guided by those we admire because they do things we can't. Very few of us will ever be Michael Jordan or Mia Hamm or Meryl Streep or Robert De Niro or even Paris Hilton...let alone Snooki (hmmm...might have to retract that one...a bit too close for comfort...)

But we invest in these people, and many others like them, the power to influence our decisions...the decisions that will affect our lives for years to come.

If Peyton Manning tells us he drinks Coke and that we should too, we do just it. Never mind that Coke will take the finish off a fender if you leave it there long enough and that the sugar content, alone, can kill you.

If Lady Gaga eats McDonalds then everyone who buys her music will be buying a Big Mac too. Never mind that too many Big Macs can make you very fat and stop your heart cold.

Never mind that Jon Voigt's endorsement of Republicans or Sean Penn's endorsement of Democrats could lead us down some very dangerous roads to places from which we may not return (obviously this one invites a choice on your part dependent upon which way you lean...I happen to prefer Penn because I do my crosswords in Penn, not pencil...it's more funner that way...much more funner...sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard doesn't it...funner...eeeeek!! Which begs the question...remember "Blackboards?" They were black...not green...and definitely not white. Chalk, yes...and erasers...the best job in school. No markers. No. Blackboards. Otherwise we'd have "Chalkboard Jungle" which is just plain wrong. Not good at all...)

Sorry...to continue... (I'm bored now but I will soldier on...not for me, but for you...)

Do we make these judgments for ourselves? Do we read anymore? Do we research the issues that confront our daily lives, our very existence on the planet?

The answers seem to be "no." We rely on others to tell us what our opinions are.

The headline in today's Times reads, "GOP is poised to seize the House, if not the Senate."

Says who? Says the Times? So? What do we think? Have we formed a point of view based on rigorous investigation? Are we influenced by that line?

Yes we are. And why? Because we don't take the time to find out ourselves and simply accept, as fact, the statements made by others.

(I'm back...re-energized...back in the spirit of this post...)

No, we trust other people to make up our minds for us. We let others tell us, not only what to do but what to think.

We are too busy Facebooking or Tweeting (what a perfect name for that activity...Twitter...you do know what a Twit is, don't you? Need I say more...?)
or talking endlessly on our cellphones about God knows what (what can possibly be so damned important to be on the phone about all day long...? Jeez...!)

Miranda Priestly had it just right in "The Devil Wears Prada" where she tells Andrea that the decisions about fashion were made by a very few people.

Exrapolate that thought. We eat and drink and buy and vote based on the manipulations of a very few because we are too lazy and uninformed to make the decisons ourselves.

So...after all...maybe Darwin was right. Maybe his theory does hold water. Maybe it is about the "survival of the fittest."

Unfortunately the fittest seem to be taking us "over the cliff." And we're oblivious to all of it. Like the frog in the pot as the water gets hotter and hotter.

But the bright side is that frog's legs are very good. Did you know they taste just like chicken?

And by the way, Goldman's ROE (Return on Equity...not caviar or the abortion question....which is akin to ROI...Return on Investment...not Rhode of Island or the word for "king" in French) was off by about a third last quarter. I can't get over how sorry I feel for them. Imagine what their bonuses will be at this year's end.

Tragic.