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This post may contain language and violent images not suitable for children.
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Audio (The language part...):

"SHIT!!"

That is the only word applicable to the weather today on the Connecticut Shoreline.

All we've been hearing about these past few weeks is the weather. (Here is the violent images part...)

"It's going to snow.", "It's snowing", "It snowed..."

To which I have responded, "It's the winter. It's New England. It snows. Get a life!"

But this is too much.

Personally, I hate the snow. It's cold, dangerous to drive in, sometimes heavy to shovel and an all around pain in the ass. I do appreciate it's beauty though, when it first arrives and covers everything with a soft blanket of cleanliness and cottony, soft, white calm.

But Day #2 is different. Here comes the plow and the dirt and the shovelling and the frozen hands and the wet socks. It just stinks from Day #2 on until Spring.

But you justify the snow by always referring to the beauty.

"I hate winter but it sure is pretty. Kind of Currier and Ives."

Currier and Ives. Those prints of New England covered in snow with kids playing and grownups gliding around in horse drawn sleighs.

Baloney! It was cold and a pain then just as now. They didn't even have snow blowers or fleece or Bean boots or central heating. They just had better artists!

And now, not only do we have snow but we also have ice.

Ice has one use. To keep food from spoiling.

Ok, maybe two. To keep your drink cold. Nothing like an iced tea or a soda with good ice cubes. But ice cubes are a pain in the ass too, actually. You have to get them out of the trays which is not always easy and then you have to refill the trays and put them back in the freezer which then requires a decision.

Do you leave the freezer door open while you refill the trays with water and then put them in one at a time? Or do you fill them all and then put them all in at once? And do you leave the water running while you refill the trays or turn it on and off for each tray?

Too many questions.

But avoidable altogether if your refrigerator has an ice machine. But that uses more energy, makes the refrigerator more expensive to buy and leaves you at the ice machine's mercy. If it breaks down, inevitably at a party, you are left with A) no ice and B) the need to make more, manually, unless you have no trays because you threw them out when you got the refrigerator with the automatic ice machine...

Which then means you have to get in the car and go buy ice. And maybe the closest convenience store doesn't have any so you have to drive around trying to find some and finally you do...about an hour later and about a half hour from home.

Now you've pissed off your guests by A) not being at your own party and B) not having ice for their drinks. And you're doubly aggravated because you just paid $5.00 for a little bag of ice that would have been, essentially, free if you had gotten it from your freezer, manually or automatically. And then it sits in your freezer...a bag of block ice, the cubes long ago joined in solidarity (pun intended), taking up room and reminding you, constantly, of that day. last summer, when you ran out of ice.

An all around nightmare. It affects your marriage and your friendships and now you are living alone, under the bridge, with a bottle of Night Train and...you guessed it...no friggin' (PG rating there...)...ICE!!!

And while there is nothing better than good iced tea and soda with good ice cubes, there is nothing quite as bad as iced tea or soda without them. Yuck!

Not to mention Scotch on the rocks...with no rocks. Now your life is a complete disaster. And all because of those Currier and Ives bastards. Assholes!!

So, the moral here?

There isn't one.

"If you don't like the weather...move!"

Yeah...right!

Where? Florida? Fine in the winter but have you ever been in Florida in the summer?

No thanks.

California? Perfect except for the smog.

The Islands? Great if you're a gazillionaire.

Nope. Plus the fact that I speak Snow fluently. Grew up with the stuff.

It's in my genes, in my bones.

And my boots and the back of my neck and my driveway and...

SHIT!!!!