Thursday, February 26, 2009

We're Number 2!!

Give me a break...!

Governor "Bobby" Jindal...

Now, first of all, it's hard to take a politician seriously who has a nick for a first name.


(he done good...but only after he was assassinated)


(he done good...only after the fact)


(he done good but won't go away and let us savor his goodness)


The Democrats were the first to win the "Let's Elect a Minority to the Presidency" sweepstakes.

They win. They are the Hertz of the political parties. The Republicans are the Avis...without the "We Try Harder" part (although, one could argue that they do, in fact, try harder to subvert the Constitution and to create gridlock in Washington.) The Republicans are Burger King. They are The Rolling Stones.

And, by being first, the Democrats have to suffer all of the fools who will come after with their version of the "winning ticket."

The Democrats had the youngest and the Catholicest.

The Democrats had the first woman (Ferraro 1.0, Clinton 2.0)

Now they have the first minority, and a black man at that.

So what do the Republicans counter with? Who do they offer up? An Indian named Bobby.
He doesn't even have a recognizably Indian name (I have nothing but admiration for the Indian population. They are smart, incredibly hard working and wonderfully talented...but the ONLY reason Jindal is buzzing is because he's a dark skinned minority...Obamesque.)


Was he named for Bobby Kennedy? Bobby Orr? Bobby Sox?

The Republicans are intellectually bankrupt. They have Rush Limbaugh and John Boehner and Sarah Palin.

Please God!

Why don't they understand that they have lost the argument. What part of torture sanctioning, financial crisising, Constitution ruining, environment polluting, race baiting, unnecessary war mongering and mangling DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND?!

President "Bobby" Jindal. The first Indian-American to hold the office.

But maybe we should try a Native American Indian first.

Chief Hasn't the First Clue...from the Waspsarenogood tribe of East Hampton.

How about him?

Or her...

Equal opportunity political correctness you know.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Shut Up!! (...please)

Words like "refuge", "sanctuary" and "oasis" come to mind.

A place to go to be alone with your thoughts; to be surrounded by beauty and grace; to be inspired by genius and talent.


The library.

But wait!

The I knew it when I was a longer exists.

Now the library is the politically correct "Community Use Facility."

What this means to the uninitiated is that the abovementioned words no longer apply.

The library is a place to go to "network"; to "meet up"; to "hook up"; TO FOOL AROUND!"

I love the library. I love the books and magazines. I love the DVDs that you can check out. I love the computers.

What I hate is the fact that I can't concentrate because some twit is sitting next to me talking on the cell phone or some idiot is carrying on with a friend about the soaring price of apples at the local farm stand. Or some imbecile is playing with his toddler and is ceratin that all of us think Little Morton is as cute as Daddy thinks...which we DON'T!

I use the library as a place where I can be creative...intellectually. It is a place where I can get information about whatever I need to know. The librarians are helpful and knowledgeable (and sometime offenders in their own right as they sit and gab with one another about nonsense...shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) The library is wonderful!

What ever happened to the whisper as an acceptable form of polite communication?

People must communicate. I understand that. I do it too. But why at full volume in the middle of what used to be the only public place left on the planet where you could be surrounded by man's creations and man himself (spare me the PC/feminist rant about "he/she"'s cumbersome and I'm not in the if you hadn't noticed) and still feel blissful solitude?

Some would argue that I should seek that solitude elsewhere. But why should I? Why can't the library just be the library and the community center just be the community center and the daycare center just be the daycare center and the senior citizen center just be the senior citizen center...?

Please, in the words of the old half-spectacles, hair-in-a-bun, spinster librarian at my childhood library...


SHUT THE F--- UP! (ok...I exaggerate...she never said that...I got carried away...I'm sorry......NOT!)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Catch 22, 2009

Who cares about the gazillionaire CEOs?

What if we were to let them all resign with their righteous indignation parachutes and give the Class of '09 a whack at the corner office (we might not even need the bailout because the new kids would be making a fraction of the old farts pay)?

Trouble is you can't get the job unless you've done the job which you can't get because you have no experience, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

The geniuses who have run the corporate world for so long have slowly, but surely, driven the once celebrated American economy over the cliff (remember how Wile E. Coyote would go over the edge and hover in mid air with his legs twirling until he looked down and them...sssssssssswwoooooooosssssshhhhhhh...he would fall into the vanishing point and then there would be a little, delayed, poof, and he would emerge all crumpled and dirty...?)

Let the SOBs quit!

Let em' eat cake or whatever else their anorexic bimbo wives let em' eat and let em' go play a few rounds of sub-par (or prime) golf...let em' eat their cigars, which, as we all know, sometimes are just cigars, but in the case of the faltering economy, are more like Bill Clinton's idea of Humidor Pleasure going through the back door of the tax paying public.

I digress...

The new crop of Junior G-Men (G as in Genius) from Wharton and Columbia can certainly do a better job.

They come from Obama's Army (more golf...sorry.)

They actually care about the planet and it's overflowing population and they actually have read Tom Friedman's easy read, "The World is Flat", and understand it!

It's time to call the bluffs of the Obese Feline Flubbers of Fiscal Fortitude and let the kids drive the ship for a while.

The young among us have more energy, better ideas, more scruples and more danceable I-Pods then their antique counterparts on the 6:05 from Grand Central.

They should all go to hell, which, if you believe in that sort of thing, is exactly where they are going when they die.

They should just go early...get good seats in the hot tub...and relax in the knowledge that they have screwed up one of the greatest economies in world history.


Thank you, you !@#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Burris under my Saddle

Doesn't "Senator" Burris know he's toast?

Didn't he know this would come out?

And if he didn't, is this the man that Illinois voters deserve to represent them in Washington? A man who is obviously so oblivious to the way things work that he FORGOT to tell the Congress that he met with Rod's bro'?

And when they asked repeatedly, he said no, no, no...

Well then...

NO, NO, NO!!

Just get out!


Please spare us the drama. Please spare us the endless news coverage and the speculations/pontifications of the Sunditocracy.

Just go home to Illinois and prepare for jail.

I'm not sure, but I don't think you can lie to Congress, get caught red-handed and then get a pass and continue to be a Senator.

But who knows....maybe you can.

The other clowns in the Senate, who have perpetrated far greater crimes on the society seem to retain their seats...and their health plan and their free military plane rides and their salaries and other perks.

So...maybe we should let "Senator" Burris just hang out.

After all...he's in pretty good company!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Love of My Life

I was reminded today how much I love my wife.

It was nothing really. It was her difficulty in finding the right blouse for work.

As far as I am concerned she looks good in everything.

She agonizes over what she wears. We call it a "fashion crisis."

Never mind Iraq or Afghanistan or the meltdown on Wall Street.

This blouse does not go with this blazer nor does it go with these pants or these shoes!

Back to square one. We are in Crisis mode now!

That's one of the many reasons why I love her so much. She cares passionately about everything!

Homeless people, dogs, kids, flowers, name it...she's passionate about it.

She helps everyone with the same degree of emotional commitment that most people usually reserve for a select few. Not my wife. Large or small, if she's got you on her mind you get the full treatment...the whole shebang!

She's beautiful, smart, bright, funny, compassionate, fearless, full of passion and a total player.
She will go anywhere at anytime for almost no reason...just to go.

She's self made and inspiring.

"She's One in a Million.
That's what they say.
And I'm gonna love her 'til my dyin' day.
I'm just sittin' here waitin' for my baby to come home."

Happy Valentine's Day my love.

You're the only one for me.

Monday, February 9, 2009

So Nero and yet so Pharoah

First of all let me coin a word...


Those geniuses who, on Sunday mornings, tell us what we need to know and think. And I do mean geniuses. You don't get smarter than Paul Krugman (Nobel Prize winning, Princeton Professor/Economist Paul Krugman...yeah, that one)

Now, as a self-appointed member of the Sunditocracy, let me offer the following:

What the F...!!!

Unemployment going higher. Jobs disappearing. Houses in foreclosure. Banks in near ruin.


And all the Idiocracy in Washington can do is fiddle around. 800B is too much (Krugman says not enough...) 800B is too little. Obama blew his first legislative foray. Obama rocks. The Republicans are obstructionist. The Republicans are taking a very risky, heroic stand. The Democrats are in tune with the people. The Democrats are sound asleep.

What is going on? Barry ran on a platform of change. "Change you can believe in!", he intoned.

We wanted change. Change from the "interesting" choices made by the Bush/Cheney administration. Change from the perception of arrogance in government. Change from scandal and incompetence.

So what do we have?

More of the same stupid partisan fighting and the same turf wars (animals pee on their territory to tell other animals what's what. Not too far along the evolutionary trail are we fellas...?)

The people we elect continue to give us the same mediocrity that we have been putting up with for years.

The brilliant bankers screwed up the vaunted financial system of the US.

The vaunted minds in the Pentagon (non-military mind you...) have delivered us endless conflicts in regions that hate us more now than they did before we "rescued" them.

The elected officials who campaign on their ability to "understand" the common man have passed laws that are putting us on a fast track to the Stone-Age (we may very well beat the Iraqis and the Afghans there if we're not careful.)

The environment is collapsing.

The celebrated CEOs of the corporate world have given us products we don't need as they contaminate the environment and reap billions from the us while sipping Dom from diamond slippers on their Lear (I don't mean the King...although that would be poetic justice...) Jet "business trips" to Belugaville. These clowns make the ancient Egyptians look like amateurs.

Legend has it that Nero played the violin while Rome burned. Is no one in government or industry unaware of the idea that you can only go so far? The people will only take so much.

I have four words for Washington and Wall Street...

"Let them eat cake."

Didn't work for Marie...

Won't work for you...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Questioning Authority

On whose authority?

Since when do we entrust celebrities with such power?

Which sneakers (sorry, running shoes), cars, politicians, causes, candy bars, cereal to buy.

I guess forever.

Probably some athlete in ancient Greece had a Feta endorsement paid in goats. Or some ancient potentate was endorsed by some shepherd and vavoom...he (the potentate) was elected and immediately beheaded the shepherd...and took all of the sheep as his harem (too much information...I know...invasion of the Potentate Omnibus Overlord Privacy Act of 14 bc)

But, really, on whose authority?

Oprah says do this and we do this.

Branjolina says do that and we do that.

Bono asks us to act in a pro bono way and we do...resulting in the buying of U-2 music which is, essentially, very pro Bono.

These people are actors or musicians or are very skilled with a ball...a trained seal is very skilled with a ball but you don't see them paid a million fish (fishes...?) to endorse a certain tuna do you?

And listen to me...I'm writing this blog, pontificating and thinking that I am taken seriously when the question applies here too...on whose authority?

Maybe it's just that if we are enamored with someone or we like what they say or do, we want to emulate them so we agree with them and that translates into commercial influence and we buy the car they suggest. Present company excepted...thank you very much...

So here...try this on for size.

I recommend VW, L.L. Bean, Schneider's Pretzels (no-fat only...), M & Ms (peanuts...the hell with salmonella...salmonella this!), Provence, Arthur Ave. in the Bronx (Dominick's) and Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys.

Send my checks as soon as possible.

Thank you for your support.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Bauhaus... is a Very, Very, Very fine Haus


Ludwig Mies van der Rohe.

Forward thinker in the 3o's. The same 30's of the last Great Depression. GD 1.0

B.A.U. haus...

Business As Usual House...White House, House of Representatives and Senate House (forgive needed to fit poetically to make the point...thank you...)

What the hell is wrong with our system you ask? What are they doing in Washington? Pedro of "South of the Border" has it right on his billboard..."Sign broken...made in Washington..."

The more we look the more we see the same old junk. These guys "just don't get it" None of 'em...not even Barry...

The Democrats are playing politics, which, thanks to Tip O'Neill, is only local, therefore not a national problem.

The Republicans are completely "deef", as Walter Brennan would have said.

They're all (Walter) Gropiusing around for solutions...





But who cares?

Tom Daschle? Oh, sorry, I'll just pay the taxes now that I've been outed.

Tim Geithner? Oh, sorry, I'll just pay the taxes, now that I've been outed.

(...hmmm...a theme emerges Reggie...let's follow on closely as the story unfolds...)

Eric Holder?

Oh, sorry, I'll look more carefully the next time I sign off on a pardon for a billionaire contributor to my boss's vanity production.

Hillary Clinton? Oh sorry...bring on '12...let the campaign begin...!

Judd Gregg...give me a break! Bi-partisan my's all about the Senate and the magic number of 60...can you say fillibuster-proof...?

Oh, and who the hell is Kirsten Gillibrand anyway? Gov. Paterson must really be the letters NRA mean anything in Albany?...Not Really Alert...


We continue to elect these self-serving, ego-maniacal idiots who only think of themselves and their fat cat sponsors.

And why in God's name are we sweeping the alleged atrocities allegedly perpetrated by the alleged Bush/Cheney administration under the very real rug? Torture, bank fraud, torture, FEMA incoherence, air/water pollution, global warning (sic...not warming...warning...), Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, torture, The Muddle (sic...) East, Abu Ghraib, Prosecutorgate, Scooter, on and on and on and nauseum/infinitum...

E Bellicose Eatem'!

The Bauhaus had it right...forward thinking...break the mold...see it it differently...

What's the saying...?

"The defintion of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?" You don't need to be Einstein to know that...oh, sorry...yes you, obviously, do...

So we're the ones who are nuts...we continue to put these clowns in charge of the castle and then wonder why we have hot oil poured on our heads from the ramparts above as we tred water and occasionally drown in the moat...

One Moat...! (Why ain't that one in the Constitution...the old one from 1776...not the new one from 2000...?)

Business As Usual House...

Mies van der Rohe is rolling over in his modernist grave....and thanks Ludwig...

...sometimes "less is", in fact, much, much "more"...!!!