Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Maxims

"A stitch in time saves nine."

"Smooth seas make poor sailors."

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

Maxims.

What would we do without them?

The horse one is a special favorite. My father would use it sometimes to describe me. Opportunity after opportunity...squandered in "pursuit of happiness." Oh well...

What was wrong with me? And all of the other maxims that litter our lives. We hear them all of the time, especially when we don't want to be reminded of their inherent value in the moment.

Except for "All work and no play makes Jack (Jill...don't want to be accused of being sexist) a dull boy (girl)."

That one was always good as a prelude to a break in the action. Raking, washing, studying...whatever...don't want to be a dull person...thanks...

But all of the others..."Light a cigarette and the bus comes"...what do they mean to us?

If I light a cigarette will the bus really come? What if I don't smoke? What if I wouldn't take a bus to the corner even if I were on fire? Do I really have that much control? Could I have used it to make my 9th grade study hall proctor disappear? Could I...

I digress...

I know. It means that the minute you make a decision in the opposite direction of your initial impulse or plan, the original scenario presents itself and you are saved.

From what? From making the original decision? What if the original decision was flawed? What if the absence of the bus gave you an opportunity to rethink your original decision and, by waiting, you end up making a better decision?

Maybe by not lighting the cigarette you save yourself untold aggravation and despair not to mention lung cancer, which I understand is no walk in the park. And what about second hand smoke? It opens a whole political and environmental can of worms.

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

Why? Sometimes cursing, even the darkness, is a way of letting off steam and releasing stress. I mean real, George Carlin, Denis Leary, Richard Pryor cursing. Not politically correct, PG, Dan Quayle cursing..."Goll darn it to heck...! You're a friggin' doo-doo head!"

That full throated U.S. Navy kind of cursing could be good in a situation where, by waiting those few extra minutes to yell at someone, you might avoid a black eye or a divorce or the unemployment line. The other kind of cursing releases nothing but gas into the already polluted atmosphere and it doesn't make you feel any better...it actually makes you feel worse because you have to hear those words...phooey on that!

And never mind the added pollution by lighting the candle and putting that little smelly puff of smoke in the atmosphere. Or the unnecessary use of natural resources by using the match, regardless of whether it is made of cardboard or wood, which is ultimately the same resource.

Curse away!

So, to hell with maxims...they are no good (clever maybe...) and don't work and are a waste of time and just make us think about what we're doing and feel guilty about our decisions.

But long live Maxim's...a great restaurant with great ambience, food and service. The one in Paris though, not New York.

New York has the Rainbow Room...at least for another few minutes so hurry down (or up to be literal.)

Tempus fugit so...

Carpe Diem...!

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