I Love Sarah Palin

I've decided to love Sarah Palin. Hating her hasn't worked. She hasn't evaporated into history like so many other also-rans. Where are Ross Perot or Dan Quayle or Geraldine Ferraro these days? Haven't heard much about 'em, have ya? And thank God for that. They had a lot to say when they had the microphone and now that they don't they've decided that the better part of wisdom is to just shut the hell up and drift, innocuously, into retirement. Thank you.

But not Ms. Palin. Oh, no. Not her. We are treated, daily, to her shenanigans or those of her family. It is amzing how mediocracy has been elevated to high art. Out with PhD and in with PhUD...as in Elmer. And complete with the shotgun and earflap hat, no less! (Note to the costume department: No one looks good in those hats. Not even Marilyn Monroe would have looked good in that hat. I don't, you don't...NO BODY DOES!)

So I've decided to take a new tack. My new behaviors will be modeled on the time tested notion that too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing.

You know how when someone loves you too much, at first you are flattered. Then the love turns to annoyance and then you feel smothered and you recoil and look for the door?

Well that's what I'm going to do. I figure that we can just love the woman into seclusion.

Let's shower her with adulation and praise and be there for her at every turn and in every instance.

Let's camp outside her door and follow her everywhere. Let's write her fan letters and let's have Facebook pages devoted to her every utterance and whim.

Let's buy her presents and write songs about her. Let's start a nationwide poetry contest and give the winner a free trip to Wasilla and dinner with Sarah. Menu? You can pick either moose, caribou or halibut. No quiche on this menu, Bud!

Let's all be like the irritating kid in school who just won't go away on the playground. Let's offer to push the swing or let's clamor to be picked for dodgeball. Let's jump up and down and yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"

Let's be everywhere and always with placards that say stuff like, "I love you Sarah" and "Sarah Rocks" and "Sarah is the new Mary" and "Sarah for President."

Maybe then, she'll be so overwhelmed by the suffocating love that she'll retreat, just like most normal people do when bombarded by an unwanted suitor...or an Auntie with a handmade sweater.

Oh...that's what we're doing already? We're already showering her with affection and pleading with her to run for the Presidency?

Oh. I didn't know that. How's it going? Is it working?

Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Back to carrying an "I Hate Sarah Palin" sign.

And I had such hope. I was so uplifted.

But, as they say in Washington:

“This isn’t the politics of the moment. This has to do with what can we get done right now.”