Hats Off To Harry

Ok...I admit it.

I love hats. I have a lot of them. Baseball hats. Winter hats. A straw cowboy hat I got in Tulsa. A beret and a straw boater that my mother brought me from Paris.
An L.L. Bean crusher from my friend Mike. My father's old Coast Guard cap.

But, since it's winter, I've taken to wearing a favorite. It's a greenish beanie with a white pom-pom that I got in Amsterdam.

It was given to me by a client when I was doing a production job there a few years ago. Everybody who participated got one. They came in all colors (the hats, not the people, although, come to think of it, there were a few people "of color" there too...) It was a team building conference sponsored by my client who is an international consultancy. They gave out the hats because it is cold in Amsterdam in the winter and they were being climate and location appropriate.

I was glad because I had only brought one of my favorite baseball hats (It says "Padanaram" on it. Khaki with a green bill. A seaside community in southeastern Massachusetts) and the beanie was warmer when I went out for walks to the pot bars and red light district. I looked ridiculous but I was warm. None of the hookers in the red light district looked at me twice and I got some strange looks in the pot bars too. I don't smoke pot but I'm sure the patrons in the bars thought I did because of the hat. And the hookers probably couldn't get past the hat, thinking that a guy who would wear a hat like that wouldn't have much money.

There is something about the winter that allows people to wear really stupid hats. Hats with pom poms. Russian fur hats. Stocking caps with very long tails. Hunting hats with ear flaps. Hats with animal ears or antlers. Or lights.

Very silly hats. And the person wearing them looks equally as silly. But somehow, we don't care. It's winter. I'm cold. The hat keeps me warm. Period.

Now, I would never wear this green beanie with the white pom pom in the summer. I would wear a baseball hat to protect myself from the sun. The only thing worse than a sunburn itself is the accompanying feeling of nausea and fatigue. Better to wear a hat or sit under an umbrella. Any hat will do, really, but a baseball hat is best because it has a bill which is sort of like an awning. You can look out from underneath it and if you've forgotten your sunglasses or lent them to your friend the bill will provide just enough shade so you can see, even if you have to squint which might give you a slight headache which would be exacerbated if you had heat stroke at the same time...from not having worn a hat.

I would never wear it to the Opera. I would go uncovered to the Opera.

I wouldn't wear it to church, either. I would wear it in the car on the way to church but I would take it off before I went in. After all Jesus didn't wear a hat. He would have worn a beret if he had. He was that cool. And he would have had a goatee rather than a full beard. He was the original hipster.

So I wear this ridiculous hat out of necessity. Heat rises and so it does out of the top of my head. Granted I have a nice head of hair, or so I am told, so that provides some insulation but the hat keeps it all in. And I can get away with it because it's winter and I live in a cold climate and everybody else is wearing stupid hats too. This is one case where my mother's nagging maxim, "If everybody jumped off of The Brooklyn Bridge (I grew up in New York), would you?", holds no water.

In this case, it is because everybody is wearing hats like mine that I feel comfortable in putting the damned thing on in the first place.

Cold hands, warm heart? Warm head...cool persona.

So there!