Drug Rats

I was in my wife's doctor's waiting room the other day when the Merck rep and his boss wandered in.

The rep was a jolly sort...overweight but full of glee. His boss was more dour...thinner and much more boring. You could just tell.

The jolly one proceeded to inquire of the receptionist as to whether or not they needed anything.

They didn't.

"What do you mean...you don't want any of my stuff?", came the jolly query.

"No...", they didn't.

The two pharma boys muttered a bit to themselves, sat down to strategize their next appointment and then got up to leave.

I felt no sympathy whatsoever. I felt like asking them how it felt to be a part of the problem rather than a part of the solution. I decided not to bother...not to make a fuss. I wasn't up for it.

They are despicable. Not necessarily those two (always the rationale...not them...never them...!). They are probably really nice guys, although I wouldn't want to be stuck between them on a long flight. The one would put me to sleep, a good thnig, but the other would keep me awake with a combination of too much jolliness and too many love handles spilling over into my seat.

It's the whole lot of them...the whole class of individuals who make their living off of other people's suffering. They don't give a hoot in hell about their product, only that the doctors to whom they sell buy their stuff.

Research for the common good. My ass...!

They are no different then the gun manufacturers or the insurance companies or the investment bankers.

All that matters is profit and the consumer be damned.

Now don't get me wrong. Profit is a good thing. I want it when I work. It makes us do what we do in business. Make a profit.

But at the expense of all other possible morality?

I don't think so. Where's the balance?

Gone...I guess.

Did you hear the one about the Pharma's Daughter...?

She was on the pill but got preggers anyway...it was a placebo. Cost as much as the real thing but wasn't as effective.

Can you say, "Dah Dah...?"

Clear as a (taco) bell...

Ok...put yourself in my position.

Hungry...cost-conscious...needing value for your hard-t0-find dollar.

You are on the road an spy fast food...a few well worn choices...the least objectionable of which seems to be...Taco Bell.

You are with your honey...a deliberate vegetarian...not a zealot...not a nut...just prefers veggie..."no meat thanks."

You go in. You peruse the "menu"...the sign above the counter with the choices...and their relative prices.

All good so far...right?

You order two bean and rice burritos for yourself and your honey decides to live on the edge...she orders two cheesy potato burritos...and...hold on...a medium drink.

Still good right...?

Wrong...!

The bean and rice burritos were, in fact, bean and rice.

But...wait...the cheesy potato burritos had the promised cheese and potato but also a special gift...CHOPPED MEAT...!?

She doesn't want to complain and soldiers on chewing through the evident grimaces...grateful for your largesse ($9.47)

You, however, are a bit miffed. You didn't get what you ordered (a pet peeve of mine...but more on that at another time...)

So you approach, the offending burritos in hand.

The front line young man is befuddled,

"The menu is there sir."

"I know...it says cheese and potato...not cheese, potato and meat. My honey is a vegetarian...not a zealot or a nut...just a garden variety (pun intended) vegetarian. She doesn't eat meat."

"The menu is there sir."

"I know...but..."

He interrupts...

"The menu is there sir."

You begin to sense the situation.

"May I speak to the manager...?"

Here comes another young man...maybe 10 minutes older than the first.

You repeat the story. He argues with you. You begin to get a tad more agitated. You try to enlighten him to the idea that the menu is not clear. He argues that it is. You, politely, counter that...IT IS NOT!!

Ok...enough of this already.

Here's the point. If a menu in a restaurant has four items listed in a category and they are, 1) Bean and Rice, 2) Cheesy Potato, 3) Bean and Cheese and, 4) Beef and Rice....for 100 points and a trip to Mazatlan...

WHICH IS THE ONE WITH THE MEAT....?!

I rest my case....

Clearly The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization...

"Do you want fries with that...?"

Hold the Mayo...

Please...spare me the drivel about the cops and the nurses and the teachers and the EMTs...

I know...they're all heroes...every day they do personally heroic things on a small scale that have a profound effect on the people with whom they come into contact.

I already know that. I appreciate them. I don't marginalize or denigrate. They are wonderful.
Really.

I'm not talking about them. They are virtually invisible. They matter...but...

Where are the true, real heroes? Where is Ike...?

We are treated to cheap imitations...in politics, in the media, in the movies...on the playing fields especially.

We used to salute our heroes...at every parade, at every lunch counter, in every train station.

We used to hold, in the highest esteem, the men (and sometimes... women) who did heroic things.

Charles Lindbergh (for the flying...not the Nazi thing)

Amelia Earhart (for the flying...not the gay thing)

Dwight Eisenhower (for WWII...not the Republican thing)

Jesse Owens (for the running...and for the Black thing...take that! Adolph...!)

Eleanor Roosevelt (for the social awareness...not the suffering wife thing...Hillary...)

Jonas Salk (for the vaccine...not the Jewish thing)

On and on...heroes...in everyday life...doing publicly extraordinary things...serving as true role models for all of us...young and old.

Now we have corrupt politicians with TV shows, and convicted felons with TV shows and former
cheating athletes with TV shows and blowhards with...TV shows.

I guess it's TV's fault...

I recently visisted with an old friend...a former Marine Sargeant with bars and stars from his several years in Viet Nam. A hero. A man who put his life on the line for me. He enlisted...in the Marine Corps! He fought for me...and you.

"Welcome Home Callie..."

A hero.

A real hero.

Gnat's Entertainment!

We all wonder why the politicians in our midst continue to do the mind-boggling things that they do.

Corruption, sex scandals, wierd behavior...all of it paraded before us 24/7 and we still wonder why they do it..and why there is little or no accountability.

It is a no-brainer mes amis!

It is because, as a nation...as consumers of information...we all have ADD.

We just don't stay with an issue long enough for it to matter (unless, of course it involves O.J. Anna Nicole or Paula Abdul.)

Time and again we are treated to an improriety by a lawmaker or a transgression by a sports figure or an insensitivity by a celebrity. And time and again we tune in for a day or so...maybe a week...and then we're on to the next story. We're like junkies who are fine until the fix wears off and then we're rabid about finding the next one..regardless of the quality of the "drug."

We see no difference between the wars in Afghanistan or Iraq and whether or not Kate and Jon are happy or Paris is having sex (allegedly) or Simon is growling or Charles is evading taxes (allegedly) or Michael has a new TV show about dogs...

Whatever...NEXT!

So the reason why Charles Rangel is, as of this writing, still the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee is because Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the Democrats in Congress know full well that we won't remember the issue of Rangel's, allegedly, "interesting" financial dealings in November 2010.

We will be too absorbed with whatever new pop-culture scandal has graced our TVs or PCs...whether on Fox or ABC or PBS...or The Enquirer or The Times or The Post. It won't matter the medium, respected and legitimate or not... it will only matter the message.

If it is a political message come next November then it will matter... then...because it sure as hell doesn't matter now. If it involves our, so-called "heroes" (another blog at another time...another shame...) then we'll be focused on that...not anything that may really effect us as a culture.

Business as usual...for a population who could care less.

Shame on all of us!

What's in a Name...Part II?

Imagine if, all of a sudden, all at once, everything in your world was new.



Not your shoes or your spouse or your job. Not your car or your house. Just the familiar old things to which, over a lifetime, you have become accustomed.



For example:



The United States of Avocado.



John Fennel and Paul Eisenstadt of the Beatles.



Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Onion.



Onion, Bloody Onion.



Onion School.



Super Bowl Onion.



Get my drift?



The other day I was driving into New York City. It was a beautiful day. A few clouds and bright sun. Warm with a gentle breeze. UN Week. Lovely. As I approached from the Bruckner Expressway I saw a disturbing sight: "The RFK Bridge" Huh?



Where did The Triboro go? Oh...there is no Triboro Bridge anymore? Now it's "The RFK?" The Robert Francis Kennedy Bridge?



NO...IT'S NOT!!!!



It's the GD Triboro and I don't care who knows it! I am one of millions of New Yorkers, past and present, who grew up and have lived happily (never mind the ever increasing tolls..) with the Triboro (never mind "Part II"...I always take the Willis Avenue Bridge to avoid the ever increasing tolls...)



I don't want to call it The RFK. I want to call it The Triboro...and will, defiantly, continue to do so. And while I'm at it...it's Candlestick Park and Shea Stadium and The West Side Highway and ESSO, damnit...! And thank God Prince came back to Earth...I never could (you couldn't either...who are you kidding?) pronouce his symbol...



They took back Cape Canaveral after another Kennedy renaming...I'm sure Logan Airport in Boston is doomed to become Teddy Airport...



But let's rally around the flag boys...let's refuse to call it "The RFK."...let's hold the line...let's hold on to the dwindling past and stick with the good ol' Triboro... Come on...repeat after me...in unison..."The Triboro Bridge...The Triboro Bridge...THE TRIBORO BRIDGE!!!"



Thank you.

You're a...!

What is it with politicians named Joe?


They can't seem to keep their mouths shut.


Joe McCarthy


Joe Biden


Joe Wilson


Joe The Plumber (just kidding...although I thought he ran a quite effective third party campaign against McCain...)

Now, I happen to love Joe Biden ( he was actually one of my choices for President in '08) but he does have a knack for talking too much at the wrong time.

And we all know what havoc Senator McCarthy wreaked during the go-go fifties. Even my pediatrician was accused when I was a kid.

But what the hell is up with Congressman Wilson? What ever happened to civil discourse?
What happened to the concept of acting in a gentlemanly manner?

These guys should be ashamed! It's fine, as a matter of fact, down right American to dissent and to criticize. We would be China if we didn't.

But how about some manners boys. Didn't your mama learn ya better'n that?

No kidding...we elect these idiots to high office (no Clinton jokes please...) and then we are surprised at their behavior. Sex scandals, embezzlement, corruption...and now manners.

What's next? Failure to signal a turn? Putting the fork on the right? Passing audible gas in the elevator and not blaming the little old lady next to you?

What?

Anyway...back on topic...can't we please play nice (ly...oh Mr. Safire...we do miss you so...)

Why does everything always have to descend into the basest of the base...? We were all taught, growing up, to be polite and to say please and thank you and "May I" (not "can I"...yes you are able to...but do you have permission...? Spare me...)

Where along the timeline of our lives do we lose the ability to be civil and deferential...even when we are frustrated and don't agree.

Joe, my boy, you should be ashamed...

Now write on the board 100 times...

"I will not disrespect the President. I will not disrespect the President"

Enjoy your fifteen minutes you ...#$%^&*!

Pull Over!!

I don't know about you but one thing that just frosts my derriere is being passed by a policeman on the highway.

I'm going the speed limit (usually)...he's, obviously, not.

What gives? And don't tell me he's rushing to get a doughnut while it's warm.

He's speeding because he can. "I'm a cop and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah...!"

Ok...if he's going to the scene of a crime or going to help someone...it's understandable. Rock on officer...pedal to the metal...I'm all over it.

But just because his Crown Vic is set up to do 120 and he's got flashing lights and a shotgun and the power to pull me over for no apparent reason shouldn't give him the privilege of driving as fast as he wants and as fast as we would if we could. ("Cop didn't see it...I didn't do it - George Carlin")

Can you say "Citizen's Arrest?" Hah!!

Just not fair...

And while I'm at it...another thing that is irritating is the fact that construction zones have policemen guarding them. What the hell is that about? They put up an orange sign the size of your house. They put orange barrels up a mile away. They have flashing yellow lights and Jersey barriers. Why in God's name do they have to have a cop? He's often not doing anything useful. He's chatting with the workers (one reason why the projects take two or three light years to complete) or he's in his car on the phone or the computer or drinking coffee.

Society complains that there are not enough police to patrol neighborhoods or prevent crime.

Why then, are these highly trained, expensive and much needed and valuable public servants sitting in expensive cruisers at construction sites?

If it's to have a "presence" then just put an older cruiser there with the lights flashing and a dummy in the front seat. (and no, I am not suggesting, through some funny turn of a phrase, that cops are dummies. I have a lot of respect for the police. I really meant a dummy as in a mannequin...really.)

Nothing makes a driver slow down and obey the traffic laws more effectively than seeing a police car on the side of the road in front of them. Nothing.

Well almost nothing. Possibly the sight of a police car in the rear view mirror.

...coming up on their tail at 90mph lights a-flashing...

...on a doughnut run.

Jeez...!